Mantras: Finding Aloha Inside My Head

**The following was written for the Smashfest Diaries.  You can check out more from the Smash-Dimond Women's Team HERE.**  

Ultraman Australia Part 1: Race Recap

Ultraman Australia is in the rear view.  It seems so surreal.  The event that I've looked forward to for 4 years or 9 months depending on how you look at it is in the books.  I was holding off on writing about it because I wanted to be able to share pictures taken by the official photographer.  Barry from Eyes Wide Open Images is a gem and his photos are amazing!

Hillary asked the women of Team SFQ to interview me for the Smashfest Diaries.  You can read that interview here.  I think they did a good job of covering the basics.  Training, sleep, travel, nutrition.  

But what really matters at Ultraman is the people.  The stories.  The (mostly cool) shit that happens.  These are the things that I want to remember.

We arrived in Sydney after our long haul flight and immediately hopped into a car and drove, on the wrong side of the road, to Port Macquarie, roughly 5 hours away.  I was travel-drunk and so out of my element on the left side of the road in a big city.  I've driven in a lot of big cities-- I'd compare it to San Francisco-- crowded, lots of traffic in a relatively small area, with a lot of "stuff" going on around such that you have to really pay attention to where you want to exit.  After about an hour in Sydney traffic we hit the highway it was pretty smooth sailing.

We stopped at a gas station because I was in desperate need of coffee and a few calories to get me till lunch.  Guys, gas station coffee in Australia is better than Starbucks.  Not even kidding.  I really wanted to hit up a cafe and maybe grab a muffin.  But after an hour we realized that was not going to be possible and settled for a gas station.  I was completely expecting Circle K coffee.  What I got was an amazing cup of coffee from an espresso machine.  Seriously.  And this was only the beginning of our coffee adventures down under.

Photo credit:  Heidi Videto

Anyhoo-- we stayed in Port Mac for a few days, DB raced IM there.  I mostly rode my bike, drank coffee, and walked to the aquatic center every day for my swim sesh in the 50 meter pool.  On IM day, I ran while he was swimming and found the coolest little park.  One minute I'm in the city, the next I'm lost on a boardwalk (trail run?) in a jungle with bats screeching from the trees above my head.  So completely awesome.

The day after IM, we drove up the coast to Kingscliff.  We stayed in a beautiful little resort hoping for one relaxing day poolside before chaos ensued... and it was pouring rain from the moment we arrived.  We suffered through a freezing dip in the pool and then ordered drinks and soaked instead in our bathtub built for two.  The next morning we packed up again and headed north to Brisbane to pick up my crew team who had flown in on the long haul overnight from LA.

Photo credit:  Heidi Videto

Once in Noosa all of our energy was focused on getting ready for the big weekend ahead.  We got the kayak reserved, did a little practice swim/ paddle, did a few bike rides, hit up the local aquatic center.  Ultraman is all about tradition and Dayle (aka: mother hen), the assistant race director, prepared us well for how the week was going to go and what to expect.  She encouraged us to get to know the other crews prior to race day because once the race starts it's harder to meet people.  I took the time at registration to talk to as many people as I could.  I met the mom of the youngest competitor.  She was crewing for her son (how awesome is that!).  I met Dee, the eventual women's champion.  I met Pip Holland, the winner of the inaugural Ultraman Australia, who was helping on the medical team that week.  Pip and I had exchanged messages prior to my arrival in Australia and she gave me some very helpful pointers.

From here on out, I'm going to just tell you stories.  They may not flow seamlessly like a normal "race report" but these are the things I want to remember, the stories that were important to me.  Later, in another post, I'll share the most common questions I've gotten along with the answers.  So if you have anything you're dying to know please comment below!

Day 1:  10k swim + 90 mile bike

Photo credit:  Chris Blick

As soon as my feet hit the water all my nerves disappeared.  I was ready to get the day started and as I swam out to the start buoy I prepared my mind for the task ahead.

Photo credit:  Eyes Wide Open Images

The water was choppier than I expected.  I didn't anticipate smooth sailing, but I had hoped for the glassy calm of the bay from the pictures of Ultramans past.  I felt good for about 1500 meters, then we rounded the first turn buoy and headed back into choppier waters.  About 2000 in, I swam headfirst into another swimmer.  Our heads didn't collide thankfully, but we sort of intertwined arms and came up above the water in what was almost an embrace.  I think we were both caught a little off guard and it took a second for me to get my rhythm back.  Rather than be upset by it, I took our *hug* as a sign of encouragement and silently wished my fellow athlete well in the rest of his swim as I continued mine.

Photo credit:  Eyes Wide Open Images

Marsha kept the kayak even with my line of sight so that every time I breathed to her side I saw her smiling and nodding at me encouragingly.  On our planned schedule she would wave my water bottle at me and I'd stop to take in my fuel.  Around 5k in we made another turn and I saw her starting to work hard to propel the kayak.  In my head I thought, Wow, I must be swimming really strong!  In reality, she was having to work hard just to move the kayak against the current, but feeling like I was doing really well was a huge mental boost at that point in the race.

Photo credit:  Eyes Wide Open Images

When we neared the shore toward the end of the swim I could see her signaling to the crew on land and she was smiling and cheering me on.  I swam the final couple hundred yards to shore without her by my side as she navigated the kayak over the swells.  When I stood up, Dan was there to usher me under the timing banner.  I turned and saw Marsha on shore and ran over to hug her first.  She had seamlessly, beautifully, successfully led me to my goal swim time which was sub 2:45.

Photo credit:  Laura Wright

I felt less than great during the first day's bike ride.  I was hungry for the first two hours and was eating every 15 minutes to try to catch up from the 10k swim.  In training when I swim 10k, I usually proceed to breakfast immediately and down about 1000 calories.  For some reason I didn't take into consideration that I was going to be feeling this hungry... and still have to keep moving forward on my bike.  Next time around I'll double my swim calories.

Photo credit:  Laura Wright

I also felt a bit of vertigo, like how after you feel getting off a week long cruise?  Your feet are on solid ground but your brain is still rollin' with the ocean?  It was pretty mild but it definitely made me feel less than spectacular.  Day 1 was rolling hills.  Lots of them.  And steep ones.  I didn't spend much time in my aero bars.  Partly because I didn't feel great, and partly because of the climbing.  Either way, I was happy to roll into the finish first female after just over 8 hours of swimming and biking.

Photo credit:  Laura Wright

I got through medical checks, and waited in line for massage.  Heidi hitched a ride back to the apartment with Laura to start prepping dinner.  Heidi was in charge of all my nutrition for the entire week-- both on the race course and post race-- as well as feeding the crew.  She made big family style dinners for them and I had a huge bowl of rice with tamari sauce, avocado and eggs.  I assured my crew I'd feel better on day 2.  I knew the vertigo would resolve itself after a good night's rest.

Photo credit:  Laura Wright

Day 2:  170 mile bike

We rolled out in peloton formation at the start of day 2 with a police escort for the first 8-10k.  I was under the impression that when the lead out vehicle left us, we would immediately resume non-drafting position.   That didn't happen, and instead everyone was sort of jostling for position and still riding in a draft.  I mostly wanted to keep the first 2 girls in sight, and I wanted to move up to keep an eye on them, but I also wanted to ride legal distance.  Eventually, my frustration got the better of me and since I had been pushing less than 100 watts sitting in this pack (which is super easy pace for me) I found myself passing everyone and taking the lead for a short time.  Being out front I was able to get into my aero bars and ride my pace and not worry about what was happening behind me.  After several miles the stronger men began passing me, and by this time everyone was riding legally so I could just keep doing what I was doing and let them go by me.

The first 50k was a no-crew zone.  It was quiet and the sun was just beginning to come up as we rode through some beautiful country side.  Before we made it out of this stretch, there was one more bit of chaos.  An athlete in front of me hit a pot hole in the road and went down hard.  He fractured several ribs and his clavicle.  I didn't witness the crash, but about a dozen of us rode up on the scene fairly quickly.  There were a couple of vehicles behind us and we waved them forward and asked them to call the paramedics.  They assured us they would take care of him and told us to continue riding.  We rolled out and once again had to jockey a bit for position.  Everyone was a little bit shaken up and riding a little more conservatively for a few miles.

Photo credit:  Running Paparazzi 

I was somewhat relieved to be out of the first 50k and back with support teams.  We settled into a routine of leap-frogging, fueling and hydrating.  I felt really good.  Strong.  My watts after the 50k were a bit higher than I was planning but I felt good and decided to just go with it.  There was plenty of climbing on day 2, about 10,000 feet total gain, but I found myself able to ride comfortably in my aero bars for a majority of the day sitting up only to climb the steeper/ longer ascents.

Around 100k in I went through a low patch.  Calories were fine, I just felt a little blah.  At about 150k I suffered a puncture and when I tried to change my tire I realized that it was lacerated and unlikely to hold air for any length of time.  Thankfully, there was another crew across the street.  They ran over to help me and when we figured out I needed a new tire they gave me their spare wheel.  This is what Ultraman is all about, right there.  This is the Kokua... the help.  They didn't even give it a second thought.  I needed a wheel and they provided.  I was so grateful for their help as my crew didn't intend to drive the short out-n-back where my flat occurred.

I lost 7 minutes on the side of the road and got passed by several men and the next woman, Dee.  This snapped me out of my funk as I had to get working again to get back in the race.  I stayed on top of fluids/ calories and kept my head down and my power up.  A while later, maybe 170k, I passed Dee on one of the bigger hills.  She had some mechanical issues with her bike on day 1 and had to do a few last minute fixes and I think she was left with a less than ideal cassette for climbing.  

Photo credit:  Running Paparazzi 

From that point on, I knew we were close together as I saw her crew leap frogging me the rest of the day.  At 200k in I was feeling really good, better than I should have felt at that effort level, and I asked Chris what the women's bike course record was.  He did some research and a few miles later he reported back to me.  I knew that it would be close, but it was totally doable.  Chasing the record fueled my fire, and also gave my crew a huge boost.  9 hours is a really REALLY long day in the car and having something to work for, and look forward to, gave them a much needed spark.

I was back and forth with Dee once more and by the time we rolled into town I had enough of a lead that I thought I could hold the win.  The finish line was actually about a half mile from the staging area -- they didn't want us racing through the busiest section of traffic.  I crossed the line, shouted out my race number and immediately burst into tears.  I was overwhelmed with joy, pride, and exhaustion.  Racing 170 miles over 9 hours with such intense focus and determination took everything I had physically and mentally.

Photo credit:  Laura Wright

Dee crossed the finish line 27 seconds behind me.  When we got off our bikes we hugged and celebrated the fact that we broke the previous course record by 12 minutes.  Technically the day 2 bike course record is mine, but there is no way I could have ridden that hard without Dee pushing me to my very best.  And I am so excited to watch this woman (who was mere seconds off the Ultraman world record after all 3 days) in her future adventures.  She is a beast with the a heart of gold.

Photo credit:  Laura Wright

Dee and I after stage 2.

Day 2 was by far my favorite of the three days.  The thing I loved about this race comes down to 3 things:

1.  I was never alone.  Even though I'm the one pedaling 170 miles, my crew was with me every step of the way.  Seeing them, and interacting with them, even if it was just to exchange bottles and fuel, was such a need boost to my spirit.  Unlike Ironman, where you can be surrounded by 2000 people but feel completely alone because it's every man for himself/ herself.  Ultraman really is a team event.

2.  I had no less than 6 crews, other than my own, cheering for me by name all day long.  It wasn't always the same crews as we separated out on the road and passed or got passed by others.  But the Ultraman Ohana was alive and well on course through the entire event.  In the photo below you can see my crew (in lime green) along with at least 2 other crews cheering for the rider that's passing by.

Photo credit:  Eyes Wide Open Images

3.  It was fun to push myself through a ride of that distance.  For the final 100k I thought at any minute I could blow up and things could go south very quickly.  But I didn't and in the process I shattered any preconceived ideas about what I was capable of.  I am excited to capitalize on this new level of fitness and mental toughness.

Day 3:  52.4 mile run

The run was tough.  I knew it would be, and I thought if there was a day I would be up against the time limit it would be day 3.  Unlike my experience in Canada where we literally never took our eyes off of Barry, in Australia we were running on paved paths that often weaved through parks and we could be several miles without vehicle support.  So I basically had a pacer with me from mile 1 on.

Photo credit:  Eyes Wide Open Images

Marsha, Dan, and Chris each took an hour at a time to get me through the first marathon.  Coming back from the turn around we got a little lost and added on some #bonusmiles.  At that point I got a bit discouraged.  I asked Heidi to jump in and run a little bit with me and she obliged.

When Heidi took over pacing from Dan I was in my lowest point.  I cried a little, feeling like I was letting everyone down because I couldn't hold onto my pace.  She let me have my moment and then made me laugh by swearing at me in her Boston accent.  Those few miles with her were my favorite of the day.  She took my mind off what I was doing and we actually picked up the pace a bit.

Photo credit:  Eyes Wide Open Images

Chris and Marsha rotated in for a couple more rounds of pacing.  I retired from triathlon at least 4 times during the second marathon.  Marsha and I dreamed up our next venture.  We were going to do arts and crafts and sell them.  Cause why wouldn't people want to buy our shit, right?  We were going to have a little shop, and not do anything physical, just do crafts.  I don't even know how to do crafts.  Like, what's even involved in that?  You just make random shit?  I don't know.  But we were convinced this was our next path in life.

Photo credit:  Eyes Wide Open Images

Chris and I talked about the most random topics related to current issues in our society, reality television and all manner of inappropriate topics, none of which will be revealed here because #whathappensatultramanstaysatultraman  :)  It was a lot of fun and got my mind off of the pain for the most part.  Basically we solved all of the worlds problems soooo...  #chrisforpresident

Dan ran with me the final 4 miles or so.  As planned, I swapped out my visor for my FindingAloha hat when the crew departed us to head to the finish line.  I got a little choked up knowing that we were nearly finished.  When we hit the beach for the last half mile, everyone was there.  The entire crew and cheer squad.  We ran across the beach and up the last few meters of sand which was a struggle after 52 miles... but I was still smiling.

Photo credit:  Eyes Wide Open Images

And just like that, our journey was over.  It's really difficult to put into words everything that Ultraman is and how it impacts you.

The experience this time around was definitely different from the crewing experience.  As an athlete it's much more selfish.  Everything revolves around making sure you're fed and hydrated.  Making sure you're resting when you should be resting.  Making sure your bike is washed and the van is cleaned out and packed for the next day.  But there is also something incredibly beautiful and humbling about being so vulnerable.  About having to ask for help and being entirely dependent on others for your needs.  Being at your most physically depleted and having this team of people never shy away from lifting you up.

These last few weeks as I've reflected on Ultraman I've been filled with gratitude so deep I often don't know how to express it.  Thank you is just not enough.  For one week we were more than family.  We laughed until we cried.  We shared highs and lows enough for a lifetime.  We are changed by this experience and even though we parted ways in LAX, we will always be bonded by this adventure.  We will always have Ultraman Australia 2017.

Photo credit:  Eyes Wide Open Images

Ultraman Training: Finding Aloha in the Uncomfortable

I have started this post about a dozen times.  And a dozen times I've been interrupted, and then more exciting things happen so I delete and start over.  And it's been a month since my last update.  If I tried to explain everything that has happened in that 30 day time period I guarantee you would not believe me.  I'll run through some highlights.

1.  DAYS after my last post, we went to camp.

Our annual Team HPB training camp takes place over a long weekend in March.  During this weekend we smash ourselves and encourage our teammates to do the same.  This year going into camp with a decent amount of fitness I thought, Oh, I'll just breeze through the 100 mile bike ride and 10k swim no problem.  And compared to past years I did "breeze" through them.  But Hillary always manages to make the workouts challenging testing both my pride and my confidence.

For example, I've been swimming loads of yards for weeks now.  10k is really not a big deal.  BUT she made it a big deal by assigning me intervals that I can't hit.  Like 30 x 100 on 1:30, as 75 free/ 25 stroke (alternating back/ breast / fly).  Free no problem.  All those other strokes?  Forgedaboudit.  Or a kick set on 2:00.  (I SUCK at kicking).  But I did survive the swim.  And I was stronger for challenging myself through it.

A little post 10k swim selfie.

My favorite day ended up being our annual team race up Mt. Lemmon.  We divide into groups based on predicted finish time and then when your group hits the base of the climb it's game on.  We were instructed to race up the hill.  So in my little group of 6 or 8, we got to mile 0, I lapped out and gave them about 20 seconds to get moving and when no one did I surged from the back and took off.

First ones to the Cookie Cabin!!  #allthefood

About a mile later, Coach Alyssa had pulled Lauren up to my wheel and deposited her there.  We were instructed to keep the pressure on, work together and alternate miles.  We rode together until somewhere around mile 10 and when I went to take the lead Lauren fell off the back.  Only I didn't realize it so I kept going... talking to myself this whole time.  At some point when I don't get a response, I glance back and see that she's gone.  I'm by myself.

So I continued to hammer the pace stopping only briefly to refill water at Windy Point.  I lapped out at the top of the climb, 3W shy of my all time best, and 3 minutes shy of my PR.

Top of Gates Pass with my Team HPB roomie, Alli!

2.  The day after run.

Camp ends on Monday with a long trail run.  It's more of an adventure run because inevitably you get lost in the desert and 14 miles ends up taking 3 hours.  It's tradition to meet for margaritas on Monday night at the JW Marriott and celebrate the fact that you survived.  After lunch on Monday everyone checks their training plans for the next day to coordinate meeting up for the 2-3k recovery swim.  Everyone's looking at their smartphones and deciding which flavor of margarita they're going to get drunk on.  Meanwhile I am looking at my smartphone and a single tear rolls down my face.

Lost in the desert.  #adventurerun

My plan says this:  12- mile build on river path as 3 easy-3 steady- 3 stronger-3 very strong.
this is not about being fast -it is about doing the best you can on tired legs #ultramantraining

Immediately I am feeling sorry for myself.  Where's my easy recovery swim?  Maybe camp was supposed to feel easy and I don't need recovery?  Then why don't I feel like it was easy??

It was a slippery slope and needless to say there were no margaritas for me that night.  My husband drank a few margaritas to numb his tired body, but opted to retire to our casita early with me so that he could sherpa my run the next morning.

12 mile progression run on tried legs.  #ultramanstrong

We got up early to hit the river path.  My first 2 miles were slow and stiff.  10:45, and 10:30 respectively.  And then the stiffness and soreness from 5 days of camp just melted away and each mile was progressively faster.  I tried to keep them in groups of 3 as I was instructed.  My second 3 miles were closer to 945.  My 3rd set of 3 was around 9 or just under.  My last 3 miles?  824, 813, 735.  Those miles were faster than my progression run after the Mt. Lemmon ride.  And the best part was I felt fantastic by the end.  Like I could run forever.  Tired + Strong= Happy Place

And I still got to do my recovery swim later that afternoon.

3.  THE Ultraman Planning meeting!

After my run along the river path I sat down with Hillary for a 2 hour planning session.  We talked about everything pertaining to Ultraman.  Logistics.  Race strategy.  Nutrition.  Crew strategy.  Clothing options.  Anything and everything that might be important.  We made lists.  We looked at course profiles online.  We went over it all.  I felt a lot better about everything afterwards because I actually had a plan in place.  Hillary also reviewed the calendar for the next 6 weeks and we discussed where we could put all my final BIG workouts so I have a plan in place.

Hillary looks very excited about my impending suffering.

4.  The Lemmon Double.

A mere 5 days later I found myself back in Tucson, this time to tackle the Mt. Lemmon double.  Hillary had a second camp taking place and she thought it would be a good idea for me to climb the mountain twice with some SAG support in place.

I woke up that morning to a 3 am alarm and felt like my brain had been peeled out of dreamland.  You know that feeling when you wake up after a night of drinking and you're not hungover, but actually still drunk?  That's how I felt.  Only there was no drinking involved.  I felt dizzy.  And weak.  And slightly nauseated.  I am 100% certain it was a combination of being slightly dehydrated and calorically deprived from the day before.

The whole way to Tucson I blasted Avril Lavigne and Ana Nallick, while pounding calories and caffeine in hopes that I would wake up.  I parked at Le Buzz and took off on my bike in the early morning darkness.  There was no one in sight.  It was quiet and peaceful and watching the sun rise over the mountain, casting light over the varied terrain was spectacular.

Unfortunately I didn't appreciate my surroundings for long, and soon I was in survival mode.  I felt like dirt.  I drank my bottles filled with the usual calories, and ate some food but nothing was helping.  I cried.  A lot.  But I kept going.  After what seemed like an eternity I made it to the top of the main climb.  I pulled into the Palisades Visitor Center parking lot.  I got off my bicycle and sat down on the curb.  And I cried.  I cried believing that I was not going to do the second lap.  I was going to descend the mountain, go back to my car, and drive home with my tail between my legs.  I ate some more calories, dried my face, and started down.

As luck would have it, Hillary's group was only at mile 1 of the climb when I passed on my way down. I shouted over "this is not happening" and she responded "yes it is. You're fine". I stopped at the bottom of the climb, cried some more, took off my winter descending gear, ate some more and turned my bike around to head back up. It was quite possibly the hardest decision I've ever made. My car was 4 (flat) miles away. My pillow and bed were a 2 hour drive away. And I turned around for another 5 hours on the mountain.

Smiling because I finally caught up with SAG on lap 2!

I started catching the slower riders within a couple of miles and SAG passed me at around mile 3 and my friend Lauren yelled some encouragement out the window-- I immediately burst into tears. I stopped for SAG at mile 6 and basically cried the entire time I was eating/ refilling water.  

After my second trip up I pretty much looked like a zombie.

And then I got back on my bike and kept pedaling uphill. My second lap was much stronger than my first. Having company was such a boost and I forced myself to take in calories every 20 minutes. I made it to the top and sat like a zombie while everyone slowly arrived.

Pit stop with Team HPB teammate, Colleen.

When it was time to go, Hillary biked with me to the top of the climb out and then I descended alone. By the time I finished I was crying again, but not because I was feeling bad, but because I actually finished the ride when everything in me wanted to quit. Physically I've done way worse workouts/ races... but mentally-- major demons were conquered.

Here is what I learned. It is 100% mental. All of it. I was convinced that I had contracted the flu and that's why I felt so shitty on the first lap. I felt dizzy, weak, completely miserable. That ALL went away when I had calories in me and company on the road.

Mt. Lemmon Double:  second time up.

These are the instructions I told my crew that night after eating an entire pizza and sitting on the sofa for an hour:    No matter how many times I tell you I'm finished, I'm not finished. You can let me cry as long as I keep going. Tears felt like the only response my body had after a certain point. Please do not be afraid if I cry. Everything else felt like autopilot. Second lap up, I literally felt like a robot, programmed to do only what HPB told me to do. I had no feelings or emotions other than hunger/ thirst.

I know I am in very capable hands in 5 weeks.  I have tried to share as much of this journey with my crew as possible so that not only do they feel more a part of it, but they also know what I've been through.  And at mile 150 when I still have more than an hour to go on day 2, and 12 hours on day 3, they can remind me of The Lemmon Double.  

5.  Swimming with my paddler.

A few weeks ago we got an email from the assistant race director.  They "strongly encouraged" us to have one of our own crew members be our paddler during the swim.  Of course I immediately have a panic attack because a) I live in the desert b) none of my crew kayaks c) we are less than 7 weeks from race day.  I simultaneously messaged my entire crew/ cheer squad on our private FB page and emailed the assistant RD.  After a few hours, and many, many emails (Thank you, Dayle!!!) I finally came to the decision to do a test run with one of my cheer squad members.  

Marsha is one of my closest friends and when everyone was commenting on my post with "this is not ideal, but we'll do it" type of response she sent me a private text message explaining her background on the water, her comfort level, and her desire to be my kayaker.  Instantly I felt calmed by her confidence.  We set up a date to borrow a kayak from my colleague and take a practice run in Saguaro Lake.  

We were made for each other.  She tested my ability to follow the kayak by steering this way and that way.  I never had to pick up my head once because I could just breathe to my right and she was right there.  I could adjust my position based on how close I was to the kayak and didn't have to worry at all about where I was going.  I ended up swimming about 3/4 mile farther than I should have because I was just in my zen place.  

1 paddler + 1 swimmer + 1 kayak= fun morning on the lake!

And so ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce my 4th and final crew member, promoted from cheer captain!!  (Blog interview coming!!)

6.  10k is the new 5k.

I love swimming and I'm always anxious to see what type of long swims I have coming my way.  The 10k I've been doing lately looks like this:

Warm up: 1500 (specific set but not relevant to this post...)

5 times through this main set:

5 x 100 @ 1:25, 

500 swim for time

500 PBB cruise (so not totally easy, but not race pace)

Cool down:  1000 (specific set)

What I love is that even when I'm at 8k, I can hit my 100s on 1:25 no problem, and my 500s for time were on a 1:22 pace.  That is the benefit of Ultraman training.  During IM training, a 30 x 100 on 1:25 would have put me on the couch for 2 hours.  Now, it's like, whatever, I've been through worse.   I love these long, challenging sets.  I will be a little sad when Ultraman is over.  I might beg to do a 10k once a month just for fun.  :)

7.  Oceanside 70.3

The week of Oceanside we backed off the training just a touch to try to rest my legs for the race.  Even up to race morning I just didn't feel like I had much to give.  I texted my #bff and told her "I don't want to race today.  I want to stay in bed.  I am racing.  I just wanted to say how I really feel."  To which she responded with "LOL!"  Not exactly the sympathy I was looking for.  

I went through the whole pre-race routine and by the time we lined up for the swim start I was like, whatever, it'll be a short training day.  The swim was nothing special, but when I got onto my bike I felt so. fucking. strong.  Ridiculous strong.  Ultraman strong.

Representing Smash-Dimond:  we are STRONG!

I was pushing higher watts than I've ever been able to before in a 70.3, but yet never felt like I was going to blow up.  I could just keep going forever.  My legs were burning, for sure, but it's that tired + strong feeling that you probably only understand if you're doing the kind of training that would push your legs into that zone.  I can imagine it's what a ultrarunner feels like when he lines up for a half marathon.  It is the best feeling ever and if I wasn't so tired right now I might entertain the idea of another Ultraman in my future.  I LOVE this training.  I am eating it up.

Back to Oceanside.  When I got off my bike I had no idea what my run legs were going to look like.  But it was more of the same.  I felt SO STRONG.  I clicked off the first couple of miles a little too fast (like usual) and then settled into my planned pace for the run.  And I just stayed there.  It was amazing.  I've never felt like this in a race before.  I've had good races before but never a race where I was doing this well and felt so comfortable being so uncomfortable.  Ultraman training has definitely taken the ability to suffer to an entirely different level.  And it is so exciting.  

Photo courtesy of @tpspates :  Oceanside run course.

With the rolling start it was about an hour before I finally believed that I had actually won my age group.  There could always be someone who starts 20 minutes behind me in the swim and races faster.  So I waited and waited and the little number 1 next to my name on the Ironman tracker didn't change!!  I've been on the podium in Oceanside before, in 4th and in 2nd.  But this was my first ever age group win!  

And the best part about it was how great my body felt in the days after the race.  There was no soreness.  I was tired, like sleepy tired, but no measurable fatigue.  And when I did my first 30 minute jog a couple days later there was no requisite 10 minutes for my legs to feel like they weren't filled with lead.  I just felt normal.  Like I was going for an easy run.  My body is absorbing, recovering, and adapting, over and over, and it feels amazing.  

Photo courtesy of @smashfestqueen :  Our Smash-Dimond Team kits!!! LOVE!

8.  The final countdown.

Before I go, I want to share the second half of the interview that was recorded by Renee Hodges of Foundation Physical Therapy.  She and several of her athletes were racing in Oceanside last weekend too!  Always great to see them out on course working hard!  Click HERE to open the video!  The first half was shared in my last post-- so scroll down if you missed it and you can find the link there.  

I have 35 days left before I am lined up on the beach in Noosa ready to swim 10km, bike 420 km, and run 84.3 km.  I have 24 days before I board my flight.  I have 3 LONG rides left to do, one trip to the Grand Canyon, and one 50km training run.  I am trying to savor every single day because the time is slipping by so quickly.  It seems like just yesterday that I was nervously submitting my application to the Ultraman Australia team, when in reality it was 9 months ago.... (before Kona!)  And I know that if I blink my crew and I will be sitting at the awards banquet on May 16th and it will all be over.  I am excited and terrified, and hopeful, and grateful, and tired, and strong, and ready.  I am ready to be part of the Ultraman Ohana.  I am ready to do work, Kokua, to give everything that I have and all of my heart to this adventure that lies ahead of me.  I am ready to find my Aloha on the eastern coast of Australia.    

    

The Ultimate Goal: Finding Aloha & the Ironman World Champoinship

In January I declared my intentions for the year in this post.  It was fun to reflect on the original post and see how far my year has come, but here is the important part.  This is where my #findingaloha came to be...

This year my focus will be on creating an environment of authenticity.  I want to be intentional in my relationships and the way I choose to spend my time.  Remove the drama.  Remove the excess baggage.  I have often thought back to the Ultraman Canada awards banquet when the Hawaiian words Ohana (family), Kokua (help), and Aloha (love) were used to describe the Ultraman experience.  This is what I hope to build into my life in 2016.  Surround myself with family, both blood and chosen, in relationships through which we can love, support, nurture one another.  Strive to be true to my passions rather than feeling obligated to continue down the path that I've been following because it's convenient. 

In 2016 I am going to cultivate the spirit of Aloha to:

- get my finances in order and create a sustainable vision for the future
- be intentional in my training, getting the most out of myself every session, every day
- make myself and my health a priority, starting with my nutrition (or lack thereof)
- learn to say no to things that don't enrich my life or make me happy
- begin to pursue my true passions both in my career and personal life

When I run down Ali'i drive in October, I want to feel true happiness, the kind that only comes from devotion, sacrifice, and dedicated pursuit of my full potential.  I want the warmth of the sun to embrace me in my journey, the pavement to radiate encouragement, the wind to blow away my fears and doubts, and my Ohana to celebrate with me at the finish line. 

Aloha.

First off, *goosebumps* to read my dream for my race in Kona, and then to have experienced how near to reality that was on the day.  And second, I am so glad that I chose #findingaloha as my pursuit in 2016 because it made all the difference in Hawaii.

All week long in Kailua-Kona, I looked for beauty and comfort in the harshness of the environment.  The Island of Hawaii is different from the other islands-- and my best friend and I remarked that it is a lot like the desert we live in-- beautiful for sure, but it is the sort of stark environment that one really needs to appreciate in order to see the beauty.  It's easy to post a photo of a palm tree at sunset.  But good luck finding that postcard perfect palm tree.  It's easier to find a photo outlined by the darkness of lava rock and desert landscaped mountains.  The landscape is hot, and windy, and lonely.
Two things in my week prior to race day stood out to me that enabled me to appreciate the beauty that is the Island of Hawaii.

On Saturday (1 week before), Coach Alyssa biked with me from the Mauna Lani (near Waikoloa) to Hawi and back.  It is the only part of the course I had not previously ridden and it is the site of the notorious crosswinds.  It was important for me to see this prior to race day.

Alyssa knows of my fear of winds.  She rode behind me all the way up to Hawi, which was not terrible but the winds were definitely strong and gusty.  At the top we refilled water at a grocery store and then she gave me a few tips.  She told me to stay low.  And that she would sit behind me unless she thought I was being "too much of a pussy" and then she'd go around me and that would be my cue to follow her lead.

We started down and for about 1 mile I was like, cool, we're descending.  And then the crosswinds started blasting us and for the next 10 miles I whimpered and cried like a baby.  I was terrified.  I was being blown all over the place.  It was everything you hear about the winds x 10.  No amount of training could have ever prepared me for that.

After the first 10 of the 20 mile descent, it got marginally better and I was able to get into my aero bars some.  Tears dried up.  I didn't die.  When we made the left hand turn to head through Kawaiihae Alyssa pulled up beside me and gave me some race-day tips.  She said this climb back to the Queen K is nicknamed the death zone because it's often very hot, with no breeze, and it's uphill.  She warned me not to feel shocked if I didn't feel great in this section on race day.

So, hold that thought and in a few more minutes you'll see how this has anything to do with #findingaloha.

Second thing was, I really wanted... needed... to run the energy lab.  I ran the Kona Marathon in 2005, which is the same course only you start/ finish at the Ironman turn around on Ali'i so it's a single out and back.  I am familiar with the course.  But, when I ran the marathon, I was a runner.  I had barely heard of Ironman, let alone Kona.  There was never any superstition or aura surrounding the Energy Lab the way there is in Ironman.  I thought maybe I had blocked out of my head what it was like, or maybe since the marathon is run in the morning it's not super hot then, or whatever.  Anyway, I *needed* to see it for myself, and I *needed* to see it at sunrise.  I don't know why.  It was just important to me.

Race week flew by and I never had a chance to get out there to run as most everything was run straight from my hotel door.  On Friday morning (1 day prior to race day) I had a 20 min jog, and a 45 minute bike ride.  I convinced my #bff to pick me up early and drive me out the the Energy Lab to see the sunrise.  It was just starting to rain when she pulled over on the Queen K to let me out of the car.

Mauna Kea at sunrise.

It was dark when I started down the hill toward the Pacific Ocean.  Cool rain touched my skin and it was absolutely silent minus the sound of my own breathing and foot steps.  About a mile down the hill, the road makes a 90 degree right turn, to parallel the ocean.  Straight in front of you is a small beach with a picnic table.

Energy Lab

I sat down at the table and just looked at the sea.  The sun was just beginning to light the sky behind the mountains.  The rain steadily fell.  As I looked out over the water, I talked to God or Madame Pele or Mauna Kea... whoever was listening.  I promised to give all of myself-- my passion, my joy, my talent, my hard work-- in exchange for safe passage.  I was overwhelmed with calmness and a sense of peace.  I got up and ran back up the hill to where my #bff was waiting.  I was ready.

RACE DAY TOP 10!!

10.  Crying makes nausea disappear... almost instantly!
The calmness in my heart lasted until race morning.  I slept well and when I woke up I got ready and managed to get a little bit of breakfast down before I started to feel nervous.  I always have butterflies on race morning.  Today was worse than usual and my heart was racing and I wanted to throw up.  This was the closest I've ever been to not keeping my pre race fuel down.

We left the condo around 430 am to walk the half mile to the start line.  As soon as we rounded the bend in Ali'i drive and the finish line came into view I burst into tears.  Everything that I wanted and dreamed about for so long was right there in front of me.  The only thing standing in my way was 140.6 miles.  I had done it 20 times before, but you never know what will happen on race day and I didn't want a mechanical or dehydration or ANYTHING to get in my way of getting to the finish line.

Finish line on race morning.

But you know what?  The minute I started crying my nausea disappeared.  Whatever hormones are released in the body when you have that emotional release must override the hormones that contribute to nausea.  So rather than fight my emotions, I just went with whatever I was feeling.  I cried all the way through body marking, and through transition to check my bike and gear bags.  I cried listening to my ipod while hanging out waiting for my wave to be called.  I cried when my friends from Smashfest Queen came by to wish me luck.  I cried when my friend Chris hugged me just before I went into the water.  I cried until my feet hit the water and I swam out to my place on the start line.... and then I looked out over the crowd gathered around the pier, the thousands of spectators and family members and volunteers... and the beat from the Hawaiian drums filled the air... and peace once again settled in my heart.  This was it.  This was everything.

9.  Swimming with strong women is AMAZING!!
The cannon blasted and a wall of pink caps blazed a trail through the water.  Every time I breathed all I could see surrounding me was pink caps.  We were on a unified mission.

Normally I don't get to swim with women.  Most Ironman events have a single start-- so men/ women all start together.  Being a stronger swimmer, I line up in the front and am usually surrounded by men, which is fine- but you have a higher likelihood of having the crap beat out of you with some 90 lb arm.  This was the first time that I got to swim with a pack of strong women and it was the coolest thing ever.  I was laughing and smiling as much as I could while trying to keep salt water out of my mouth!

I lined up far left, because I still don't like contact and I wanted at least a little bit of open water next to me.  And I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the kayakers didn't force us into as narrow of a lane as I had envisioned.  We had plenty of room.  We did start catching the men after only a few hundred yards, but it wasn't too bad until we made the turn to come back to the pier.  Then it was dodging swimmers every stroke.

Swim exit!

When I got out of the water to run up the steps and glanced at my watch I laughed out loud because I had destroyed my predicted swim time.

Happy happy 1:00:58 swim!!

8.  Sauna training works.
About 6 months ago I asked Coach Hillary about how we were going to prepare for the heat and humidity.  I perform notoriously poorly in these conditions as evidenced by my three attempts at Ironman Texas.  I suggested Bikram yoga.  Hillary thought better and sent me a 28 day steam sauna training plan with a link to some information on the Badwater website.

For anyone not familiar, Badwater is a 135 mile run through Death Valley.  It is very very hot.  Often dry and windy, but there are some points that could be more humid.  The author of the plan explained the rationale, the method, and the benefits.

I was told there was no way I could do it.  I wouldn't be able to last more than 5 minutes in the steam room.  They said I couldn't do it.  I started on September 1 so that I would finish 2 days before I left for Hawaii.  I began with 15 minutes and worked my way up to 45 minutes.  Every. Single. Day I sat in the steam room.  It was like adding another workout to my already crammed schedule.

On day 1 I thought I was going to die after 7 minutes.   On day 2, it was a little bit better.  On day 3 I figured out a way to pass the time quicker by putting my ipod in a ziplock bag with an ice pack.  Some days were easy.  Other days I begged for mercy.

When you hit the button for steam it runs for about 10 minutes.  In case you didn't know this... every single person who enters the steam room pushes the button-- whether it needs to run or not.  Literally I watched some people push the button, walk into the room, turn around and walk right back out.  Because it really is that bad in there.  

I figured out the best timing for steam (50/50 is perfect) and sometimes I literally begged people not to push the button.  One day in the first week I had to leave the room half way through to grab more towels to cover my body.  With the steam running constantly after 15 minutes you start to get steam burns.  After that day I made sure I always had enough towels with me when I went into the sauna.

I figured out the best set up for surviving.  Two towels on the bench, one towel as a pillow, ipod in ziplock near head, sprinkle a couple drops of doTerra Breathe Essential Oil Blend onto another towel to drape over my face, 1 liter bottle of ice water and 1 liter bottle of electrolyte drink, 2 more towels to cover body to protect skin, stopwatch running.  The room was small, and gross, and I was sure I was going to get ringworm, or MRSA, or some other nasty funk from sitting in there so often.

I got stronger.  And as the time built, and I survived 45 minute session after 45 minute session, I got tougher.  Only one time in 28 days did I leave the sweat box early (by 5 minutes) because I was seeing spots and thought I was going to pass out.  I had visions of the CSI episode where they find the girl melted in the sauna after she died in there.  I didn't want my body mopped up from the steam room.

When it was done, I thought, well, this is either going to have been the biggest waste of time... or it's going to work.  It fucking worked.  I never once felt hot the entire time I was in Hawaii, including race day.  I thought oh, we're having a particularly cool year.  Until I talked to people post race who had completely melted down in the temps and my family told me the high for the day.  I was like, BOOM, all the time in the steam room paid off.  It fucking worked.

7.  The bike ride is really fucking hard.  And really fucking amazing.
The bike course in Hawaii is deceivingly difficult.  On paper, you think it's not so bad.  But you add in the winds- headwinds, crosswinds, more headwinds- and you've got a challenge on your hands.  There is over 5000 ft of climbing, rolling hills- reminiscent of IM Texas- which again is no big deal, but you ARE working.

For the first 60 miles I focused on staying within my watts.  The aid stations were about every 5-7 miles so it was perfect for taking in nutrition.  I would take a big swallow of calories as I was entering the aid station, grab a bottle of water to chase it and then hose myself down with the cold water.  Over and over and over this was my rhythm.  The miles ticked by and before I knew it I was climbing up to Hawi.

Fav bike pic of the day!  #lovemybike  Bike time: 5:56:07

As I climbed, I watched the athletes descending on the other side of the road.  Every single person was in their aero bars and I didn't see anyone being blown across the road.  For the first time all day I let myself hope that there wouldn't be a wind on the way down.

I turned around in Hawi, grabbed my special foods bag to replenish my nutrition bottles, and started down the hill.  I talked to myself... out loud... You're fine.  You can do this.  Trust the athletes in front of you.  You're fine.  Over and over and over to keep myself relaxed and in aero.  We did not have the crosswinds that I anticipated.  It was a smooth ride back to the bottom and I could not have been more relieved.

Just a long ride by the ocean... no big deal!  #findingaloha

I turned left into the "death zone" that Alyssa had warned me of.  It was warm and there was no breeze to speak of, but it was also quiet and the view of the ocean was so beautiful I almost cried, and I was overwhelmed with the same sense of calm that I experienced in the Energy Lab the day before.  THIS was #findingaloha.  There was joy here.  And beauty.  And I was racing from the heart, fulfilling my passion.

As I turned back onto the Queen K, the Smashfest Queen support crew was there and I shouted out THIS IS AMAZING!!  I was so incredibly grateful to be racing and to be enjoying every single minute.

Smiling as I was about to be back on the Queen K.

The final 35 miles of the bike ride were hard.  I felt like I was pedaling uphill into a head wind, but I also knew that the hardest part was behind me and I was 2 short hours from being home free.  No chance of not finishing if I got off the bike safely.  This was happening.

6.  Having your Ohana there to support your dream is the best ever.
When I got off the bike I was a little bit dazed.  I had a sharp pain in one of my toes which made hobbling through transition a little bit awkward.  I got in and out as quickly as I could and as soon as I took the first step in my running shoes I forgot all about the toe.

I knew my family was going to be waiting somewhere in the first couple of miles.  The crowds were thick and loud and I kept scanning faces.  As I ran down Ali'i, a teammate popped out and ran next to me for a second while trying to capture video.  I was all smiles and laughing and we managed to capture it on camera!

Teammie!!  #supportcrew

A few moments later my husband was there and I stopped to give him a quick kiss.  A little further down the road my #bff was there and I ran straight into her arms for a sweaty hug.  She screamed how much she loved me and I think we were both crying a few tears of joy.  And my family was there with their Team #FindingKona T's and big lime green posters!  This was the best day ever!!

Support crew!!  Only one camper not happy here.  :)

5.  Having a one-of-a-kind kit is the best feeling ever, and makes for some awesome photos!!
Several years ago, Michele (co-owner of Smashfest Queen) promised that when I qualified for Kona she would make me a lime green kit (because #limegreenismysignaturecolor!).  After I qualified at Arizona, I used every opportunity to remind her.  About a month ago, I received a package in the mail with MY kit.

MY kit!!

My kit (as you've seen) is beautiful.  The pattern reminded me of a palm tree which I thought was so inspired for this course.  Palm branches, in pre-Christian times, were a sign of victory.  And palm trees, with deep roots, are meant to bend with the wind but never break.  I hung the kit in my trainer room and imagined strengthening my roots with every workout so that like the palm tree, I would not break.  I couldn't wait to show the world my kit and race in it for the first time.

#findingaloha

The Saturday one week before race day, Michele picked me up to do a photo shoot with my new kit.  She had a couple other surprises for me...  A Finding Aloha trucker hat which I absolutely LOVE... and the new Smashfest Queen Kona kit was named after me!!  The Finding Kona kit was up for sale race week and will be available on the website!

4.  The run course!!
When I left transition, my legs settled into a pace right around a 10 minute mile.  This wasn't what I wanted or what I am capable of... but honestly, I didn't even care.  I knew I could hold that pace, and if I did I was going to achieve every big and small goal I had for the day.  I know part of me was afraid to push outside of that comfort zone because I was still waiting for the heat to get to me.  I was certain that at some point it would all catch up and I would melt.

At every aid station, I dumped ice down my shorts (thank you Chrissie Wellington!) and into my hat.  I drank, ate, and poured water over my kit.  Somewhere around mile 7, a rep from one of the race partners was handing out towels on the sidelines.  I can't remember the brand name (sorry!) but it's one of those towels that stays cool as long as it's wet.  She draped it over my shoulders.  My family said when they saw me again around mile 9 they thought I was overheating since I had a towel and no one else did.  She was offering them to everyone but maybe people just weren't taking them?

I kept the towel until mile 18.  I never felt hot but I kept thinking, everyone says the Energy Lab is hot so I might need it then.  When I turned around at the bottom of the Energy Lab and it wasn't hot, and there was a nice breeze I tossed it.

Running back down Ali'i around mile 9.

With 2 out n back legs, you see everyone out on the race course, and there is so much crowd support!!  I saw all my Team HPB teammates, SFQ teammates, TriScottsdale teammates multiple times.  We all cheered each other on, and got support from each other's support crew on the sidelines.  It was so fun to high five my friend Scott -- we have raced almost every Ironman together so it was fitting that we race Kona for the first time together.  Seeing my friend Cris having as much fun out there as I was -- so amazing, and she even stopped to hug me in the Energy Lab.  And the last few miles I ran in with a girl I shared the podium with at Oceanside and CDA 70.3 earlier this year.  She KQ'd in her first IM race in CDA and had an awesome day in the lava fields.

Run time:  4:26:11

3.  Bad patches are only bad patches if you think they are.
Somewhere around mile 8 or so my stomach started feeling a little sloshy, like I wasn't absorbing.  I kept eating and drinking and waiting to see the BASE salt booth.  At the top of Palani, Matt was there with his team.  I looked at him and it was like he read my mind-- he ran to grab me a bottle of BASE Hydro/ Aminos/ Salt.  In CDA I was struggling with hydration/ energy on the run and he mixed me up this concoction that literally saved me, brought me back from the dead.  My energy levels were fine, but I figured his magic potion could fix me once again by clearing up my stomach.

I drank the bottle between mile 10-12, and as the mile 14 aid station approached I slowed to a walk and gingerly tip-toed my way to the porta-potty where I had blow out diarrhea and immediate relief.  BASE to the rescue once again!  My stomach was cleared out, I felt fantastic and I kept on my merry way.

When I talked to Hillary post race she said she kept waiting for me to go through a bad patch but it seemed I never did.  I was like, well, I did have to hit the porta potty but it really wasn't a big deal.  And I felt fantastic afterwards.  I honestly was so happy to be there, and to be racing I didn't even care that my stomach felt less than perfect for 4 miles.  I was still running, right?

2.  This is the World Championships.
Guess what?  In Kona, people don't walk the marathon.  Crazy, right?  I can get off the bike at IMAZ, literally mile 1, people will be walking.  I don't get it.  I can count on one hand the number of people I saw walking on the marathon course in Hawaii.  I was running a slow 10 minute pace and people were passing me the entire time.  I did pass a couple of people too, but it was so amazing racing with the best of the best.  This is THE World Championships!!!!

Oh, and Peter Reid handed me water at an aid station in the Energy Lab!!  I asked for chicken broth, and he was like, no I have water.  I was like, OMG ARE YOU PETER REID?  And he was like, Yes, keep running.  HA!  I was a huge fan back in the day.  So incredible to have a former world champion handing me water in my world championship race!!  Totally made my day.

Me, the #bff and PETER REID!!

1.  It really is a big deal.
Guys... the finish line...

But before I get there, I forgot one more #FindingAloha moment.  As I was coming out of the Energy Lab the sun was just beginning to set.  I had 6 miles left to get there.  And I could not stop smiling.  I was laughing and announced 5 miles and a victory lap! to anyone who was listening.  I was so incredibly happy and having fun and loving this crazy Ironman thing.  I kept looking for my friend Scott because I knew he'd be getting to the Energy Lab soon.  He was going to see the sunset there and it was incredible.  I got goosebumps thinking of our journeys to get here.  For a second I thought, wait, isn't this the first sign of heat stroke?

But no, it wasn't heat stroke, it was Aloha.  It was racing with passion.  And fulfilling a dream.  And being so close to the finish line that I could taste it.  And being surrounded by the love and support of everyone I love.  It was countless hours in the pool and 4 am wake up calls.  It was lonely miles on the bike and mountains worth of climbing.  It was trails and track workouts, and tired legs, and heartache, and feeling like you might never get there and then one day you do and suddenly everything, all the sacrifices, and the work, all of the early bedtimes and skipped parties, it all makes sense because this is the one thing that has kept you going for the last 4 years and then it's there.  In front of you.  And there is nothing left but to raise your hands.

Finding Aloha in 11:33:22