Eliminating the Weakness

I am not new to long distance cycling.  Twice I have ridden RAGBRAI, a 500 mile bike ride across Iowa in 7 days.  Looking back now I question what combination of crazy and stupid allowed me to get through the miles unscathed at a time in my life when 500 miles a week was far from normal.  At the time, yes I was tired, but it seemed no big deal.  It never crossed my mind that I couldn't do it.

For some reason in my quest of #findingkona I began to see cycling as a weakness.  Compared to the other women in my age group, against whom I am competing, I was slower and not as strong on the bike.  It never bothered me before that I was a better swim/ runner than I was a cyclist.  Triathlon is a package deal, and I was still getting to the finish line in 12 hours which I think is pretty respectable.  But when I decided to chase a Kona qualification, it became important.

Mentally I didn't view myself as a cyclist.  And I believed that others saw me as weak on the bike as well.  This became a vicious cycle.  I am a weak cyclist therefore I will not bike well and not be able to run well off the bike.

Finally a friend of mine grabbed my shoulders and shook some sense into me.  "STOP saying you are not a good cyclist!"  She pointed out all the times when I held my own in races and yes, we can all work on the swim/ bike/ run.  But to keep telling myself that I'm not good... well, that's not good.

Hours after finishing Ironman Arizona in November I sat down with my coach for a planning session.  I felt I had done a pretty good job of giving up the reigns and trusting in the process over the year.  But I am still type A, and a control freak to boot, and I just needed to know how we were going to get the job done.  What do we need to do for me to get stronger on the bike, so I can run to my ability?  Having been through a solid 8 weeks at that point with the power meter, including several races, she was able to see where I as lacking.  She outlined a plan of attack beginning with a few weeks of unstructured off season, followed by a periodized cycling block.  I had a plan in hand.  Now it was time to execute.

Off season seemed sooo long when in fact it was only a few short weeks.  I was looking forward to May and wanted to feel like I was working toward my ultimate goal.  I fretted that 6 months was not enough time if I was only biking 2 hours and running easy.  And I had gained a few pounds in the off season making me feel even more unfit.  Eventually the training plan started to look a little more organized but I still felt like I was under-training a bit.  I was getting plenty of sleep and my days off of work often included good chunks of time during which I could get stuff done around the house or at Cadence.

Then my workouts seemed to pick up steam.  I was assigned to do some group rides which at first were intimidating because I chose a group in another area of the valley and I was unfamiliar with the routes.  Eventually I found a local bike shop group- a fun group of guys that would challenge me yet were social and seemed to genuinely look out for each other.  I started looking forward to the group rides and being able to push myself outside the comfort zone.

Trainer rides have taken on a life of their own.  I will admit, there have been many a 4-letter-word shouted in the heat of the moment, and more than one tear shed in a tough set.  But I can feel myself getting stronger which makes pushing through the efforts just a little bit easier and so much more rewarding.  Instead of crying, I grit my teeth and shout BRING IT ON!  (Seriously, talking to myself... out loud.... rest of the house is sleeping.... )

Now I am in full on cycling overload block.  I am literally living on the bike.  Trainer rides.  Long rides.  Hills.  Flats in aero.  Two a days.  More trainer work.  Long rides followed by long rides.  I managed to fit 300 miles into a 5 day stretch while still holding down 8 hours of sleep at night and 2 jobs.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  In less than 2 weeks I leave for a week long Team HPB camp in Tucson and then 3 weeks after that is the first race of the season.

At the last couple of group rides I've had at least one person ask me about my training and then ask me if cycling is my strength.  At first I brushed it off and said, no, I was working on my weakness.  But after the second or third person to ask, I thought 'what do they see that I'm not seeing?'  And I realized, my weakness is no longer a weakness.  I CAN ride a bike.  And I can do it well.  And I am still getting better.  We are only seeing the tip of the iceberg here which is so, so exciting.  

This is all going to be here before I know it.  I've been working on my mental preparation.  Getting my mind in the right place going into Texas is going to be key.  I want this so badly that I can taste it and I can't let that be a distraction.  If I allow my mind to wander into that post-race Kona rolldown ceremony and I hear Mike Reilly call my name I actually get choked up and have goosebumps.  The only other time I can remember wanting something so badly was before my first Boston qualifier.  I need to be focused but not emotional.  I cannot think about the outcome, only the process.  I know exactly what I need to do to get to where I want to go.  The work is being done daily.

I am reminded of something that I read a while back about the result I'm aiming for in the process of training.  

"Bulletproof is a state of mind backed up by a training regimen that has pushed you beyond your perceived limits and has targeted the event you're attempting to run.  Your goal after passing through the training gauntlet is to emerge bulletproof."  Gary Dudley, Ultrarunning Magazine.

I can't help but feel, day after day, that I am building my coat of armor and planning my attack.  I am making myself bulletproof.  At just the right moment, I will wage my battle.