"I stopped at least 5 times on the climb, and I quit no less than a thousand times."
"I am legit worried I could miss the 12 hour time cutoff on day 2."
"Also, I cried for at least 90 minutes of this ride."
"Today was all mental."
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| I totally don't remember smiling, but apparently I did when I made it to the top. |
As luck would have it I was scheduled to skype with Jess (my meditation teacher) this afternoon. And I literally got back to the hotel room 9 minutes before our scheduled chat. Timing could not have been more perfect as I was a complete mess.
I was so negative all day. And I could see how ridiculous I was being, but I just couldn't get out of it. I was drowning. The most important things she told me was A) to be gentle with myself (I have a lot going on in my life right now, and add in the training load on top of it and I'm completely broken down) and B) just breathe the next breath I'm given. When there is nothing else... when gratitude and joy and kindness are so far removed from my reality, just take the next breath that I'm given. I can do that. How many times do you take a breath and not even think about it? It's automatic if you let it be. But when you focus your attention on just that one breath, everything else seems just a little bit easier to manage.
I finished my day with an easy run with some pickups to shake off the long ride from earlier in the day. Though I was feeling better my energy was completely sapped and I was ready to crawl into bed at 630 pm. So I did. And I didn't even care.
Day 7.
I woke up 8 minutes before my alarm went off after over 10 hours of sleep. I felt rested but still pretty raw from yesterday. I cried through half of my meditation this morning. At some point the tears dried up and calmness set in.
We drove to the pool at opening. I had a 5700 yd swim including the main set that I nearly failed last week. Today I had no expectations, good or bad. I had done everything I could to prepare myself for this-- got a good night sleep, ate a good breakfast, etc. It was going to be what it was.
I felt OK during the warm up, nothing special, but I knew when I started the main set that I felt really good. Nothing like last week. I was crushing it. Not quite hitting the ideal target, but I was within 1-2 seconds (as opposed to 5 seconds+ last week). About a third of the way through the set my goggles started to leak. I said to myself, I don't need to see to swim, I just need to breathe. And I kept swimming. (This set is on short rest so there's not enough time to adjust goggles at the wall.) Eventually they stopped leaking and I was still swimming. This felt like a win, especially after yesterday.
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| Hill repeats done! |
After the swim we had a 2 hour bike ride with some hill repeats. AND THEN.... we went to IHOP. Yep, #sorrynotsorry. I ate #allthecalories.
After breakfast (which was actually more like lunch) we hit up Bike Works to do a little shopping. And then back to the hotel to regroup for the afternoon session. It's amazing how quickly time goes by when you don't want it to. Before long our mandatory 3 hour break was up and we needed to start thinking about getting our act together for the afternoon brick.
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| Oh yes I did! |
3 hours and 45 minutes after we finished our morning ride, we were back on the bike for another 2 hours followed by an easy run in the Energy Lab. The second ride wasn't great. My legs just felt dead and I had nothing to give in my intervals. But I didn't let it get in my head, and I didn't let it ruin my run.
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| Energy Lab: where I first found Aloha. #findingaloha |
I'm nervous for tomorrow. I'm repeating the ride from yesterday--- and adding on another 80 miles. It's going to be a long day, and parts of it outside my comfort zone. But I will just keep taking the next breath that I'm given.
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