Finding Aloha: Happiness and Sustainability

Happiness is the joy you feel moving toward your potential.  A friend gave me this quote, pointing out that it applied to my recent success at Ironman Arizona.  It came from this podcast.

Happiness is not freedom from pain or discomfort.  Because sometimes reaching your potential is very uncomfortable, as it was for me in November.  Reaching that potential meant a lot of sacrifices.  Ones I was, and am, very willing to make in pursuit of happiness.  Over the last year I've thought a lot about happiness, and more than that, sustainability, and what that means for me.

After a suicide within my professional community last spring, my boss asked us all a question:  Is what you're doing sustainable?

I felt like I had been gut-punched because I knew the answer and because I was asked, honestly, by someone who cared, I could no longer pretend that everything was fine.  It was not fine.  I was not fine.

I started to look at my life and how my time is divided.  It was glaringly obvious that the things that demand 90% of my time are the things that are least important to me as a person.  But what can I do about it?  I don't know that I have the answer to that (still) but I am thinking about it and making plans.  What I do know is that my life felt devoid of real-ness.  Substance.  I am surrounded by "friends" but often feel really alone.

As January 1 approached on my calendar and I still hadn't come up with the "habit" I wanted to create in the new year (ie:  flossing circa 2013, flip turns circa 2014, #selfiewithmoo of 2015) I started to get a little nervous.  I've always had a "thing".  I needed to have a "thing" for 2016.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized the answer was obvious.  And it's not a thing... it's people.  Connection.  Relationships.

In 2015, for the first time in 14 years (pause for effect.... f.o.u.r.t.e.e.n.YEARS....) I could say I have a best girlfriend.  I had no idea when I was 8, or 13, or 18, or 23, how valuable, and precious, and rare those friendships are.  Growing up I was always the seemingly outgoing, attention-seeking, but truly introverted girl that had one really good friend.  It wasn't always the same friend depending on my stage of life, but there was always one best girlfriend.  Everyone else was kept at arms length at best.  As I've traveled through adulthood I have come to realize that everyone is too busy, or too socially competitive, or too over-committed to be friends.  I'm talking *real* friends here... not social media friends.  And I'm not immune to these categories either.  It's very easy to let work rule my life.  But it's not fun.  And it's not satisfying.  It's not sustainable.

And though I love my husband and no one can compare with his knowledge of me as a person, and support of me as a best friend and spouse, every girl needs a girlfriend.  Someone to share the silly stuff, the secrets, the "girl" stuff that guys really don't want to know about.  Someone I can talk to about my husband, who will listen and share ideas, and can give me a different perspective on something I'm struggling with.  Someone who loves my cat photos as much as I do and spoils my boys rotten every time she visits.

I actually met my best girlfriend in May of 2014 but I didn't know at the time that we were destined to be bff's.  It wasn't until April of 2015 when we took an impromptu weekend trip to Galveston for the 70.3 that we realized we were meant to be together.  It was instant connection.  Fun and laughter-filled, but with a personal and deep connection.  She is the one friend who knows me, is always there for me, and can give me a reality check when I need one.  She has a wisdom and a way of looking at things and seeing the big picture, weeding out the unimportant stuff.  And she can always make me laugh.

The other friendship that I am cultivating this year is one that's been around for 2 years shy of my whole entire life.  My little sister.  I was always close with my sisters growing up.  They were my first playmates.  And we always loved and supported each other.  But when my lil sis and I went to the same college, we had a standing coffee date and hung out together socially, our relationship was taken to a whole different level.  She knows literally everything about me.  Over the last few years our lives have taken different directions.  She has taken on motherhood and we haven't had the face time or the phone time that we had been accustomed to.  Thankfully, she recently called me out on my attitude about certain things, and I realized that I had been pulling away, building a wall... a protective mechanism I am famous for.  Since that conversation, we have been talking more regularly, being more involved in the every day stuff as well as the important stuff.

More recently, I gained another girlfriend.  Different from my friendships with my bff or my sister, but valuable all the same.  This friendship bloomed out of a most unlikely situation and seemed at times destined to fail, but we both saw something worth fighting for.  It would have been easy to walk away and give a million reasons why we couldn't be friends, but we opened dialogue, and were honest about our needs and our fears, and what we found was that we were so much alike in how we think, and react to things, and viewed the world at large.  She allows me to be vulnerable, without being afraid, and helps me to be a better version of myself.

Never in a million years did I think that at nearly age 40, I would just now be building the friendships that will take me through the rest of my life.  Entering 2016 with a renewed vision and passion for building relationships, I feel so completely... at peace.  Blessed.

This year my focus will be on creating an environment of authenticity.  I want to be intentional in my relationships and the way I choose to spend my time.  Remove the drama.  Remove the excess baggage.  I have often thought back to the Ultraman Canada awards banquet when the Hawaiian words Ohana (family), Kokua (help), and Aloha (love) were used to describe the Ultraman experience.  This is what I hope to build into my life in 2016.  Surround myself with family, both blood and chosen, in relationships through which we can love, support, nurture one another.  Strive to be true to my passions rather than feeling obligated to continue down the path that I've been following because it's convenient.

In 2016 I am going to cultivate the spirit of Aloha to:

- get my finances in order and create a sustainable vision for the future
- be intentional in my training, getting the most out of myself every session, every day
- make myself and my health a priority, starting with my nutrition (or lack thereof)
- learn to say no to things that don't enrich my life or make me happy
- begin to pursue my true passions both in my career and personal life

When I run down Ali'i drive in October, I want to feel true happiness, the kind that only comes from devotion, sacrifice, and dedicated pursuit of my full potential.  I want the warmth of the sun to embrace me in my journey, the pavement to radiate encouragement, the wind to blow away my fears and doubts, and my Ohana to celebrate with me at the finish line.

Aloha.