It's almost a curse word in my household. Off season. Meaning I'm taking time off from something that I love. That I NEED. A day without an endorphin fix is torture. A week? Two weeks? You do not want to be in the same zip code as me.
I'm going to be me, here... which is all I really know how to be anyway. And I'm going to be honest and say things that I'm certain everyone else is feeling despite all their happy, positive, I'm-loving-my-off-season posts. Off season f**king sucks.
Aside from feeling completely sluggish and fat (which I realize is all relative) I turn in to a bumbling, whining... girl. I start to doubt everything I've accomplished. I start to doubt that I can achieve any of my goals. Yes, the same goals that I was sure I was going to smash in 2015 just 3 weeks ago.
Everyone around me is winning races. And there are photos all over Facebook and Twitter about all the trail races, and road races, and jingle bell runs, and marathons, and people qualifying for Boston all over the place. And the only marathon I'm participating in is the Criminal Minds marathon viewed from the comfort of my couch. I couldn't even go to the damn donut run at shop because I was working that day. And that's a 5k I could probably win right now.
Post IM Arizona I had a week of active recovery. No problem. Then it turned into swim-only week, no more than 4k per day. I managed to knock out 24,000 meters that week because if it's my only source of exercise, you better believe I'm going to maximize. I was "encouraged" to take a day off, which I did when I came down with some viral funk mid-week, which I was convinced was a product of my lack of exercise. Lack of exercise leads to stress leads to lowered immune system... you get the idea. Week 3 rolls around and now I can run and bike, with limits of course, and I get to choose my workouts. So I do, only now I can't. I can't seem to get my legs moving under me in any manner that feels like running. I feel like Phoebe in the episode of Friends running through Central Park. Completely uncoordinated. Disconnected. Only I'm not having fun like Phoebe was. And I'm sure everyone driving by can see my fat rolls through my tank top.
The only redeeming moment of the week was my annual 10k swim which was a blast. I (once again) managed to convince several friends that swimming 10k would be a good idea. My coach wrote the 100 x 100 meter swim workout and we tackled it with gusto.
BIRTHDAY 100 x 100 :)
10 easy peasy warm up @ 1:45
10 swim 25 sprint-75 easy @ 1:40
30 swim as 3 @ 1:45/ 2@1:40/ 1 @ 1:35
3 easy kick with board @ 10 rest.
10 x 100 alternating 1 IM/ 1 easy free @ 2:00 (or 1;50 if you can make it)
30 PBB @ 1:35, descend 1-5. every 5th one fast-send times please!
5 swim with paddles as 25 fast/ 50 easy FR/ 25 easy BK @:10 rest.
2 easy kick w/board @ 10 rest.
I can say the lifeguard did not have to rescue me on the IM set. But I can't say I descended the PBB set very well. I did manage to hold 1:30s and knock off a few seconds for each of the fast ones. Of course we followed the swim with cinnamon rolls and a huge breakfast... or at least I did.
I'm trying not to complain when I log my "workouts". I'm trying not to beat myself up too badly because I can't seem to do anything that even resembles running or biking. Everyone keeps telling me this is 'normal' and 'good for me' and 'everyone feels this way during off season'. But I don't like it one bit. I want to feel smashed after a hard workout, not after spinning at 14 mph on flat ground. I want to feel worn out after running Pass Mountain, not after an hour on the lower trails.
This week I'm back on a plan dictated by my coach and slowly I'm starting to feel more like myself. I even had a moment where I thought, wow, it would be nice to sleep in today. When I'm in training, it is very routine and I don't even blink at a 4 am wake up call. But when I have gotten lazy, and used to sleeping till 6, and it's dark and cold in the morning... it is a little more difficult to pull myself out of bed. I couldn't help but think I squandered my off season by doing too much. Maybe I should have done *gulp* even less?
But it's too late now. 2015 awaits and I have much work to do. Come January 1, I would like to be feeling strong and confident again. I might embarrass myself at my birthday half marathon this weekend, but if I redeem myself at Oceanside, it's all good. I think an off season would be much more enjoyable in, say, June or August. When no one in the valley is too keen on running a marathon, or training endless hours outside. Maybe if I achieve my goal in May, I'll take a better off season then.
Then again... maybe not.
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