How did I get to be so old?!?

Tomorrow is my birthday.  36.  That seems really young in the grand scheme of things, and at the same time really old.  How did I get to be so old?  I don't feel 36.   

My mom was 28 when I was born.  3 weeks shy of her 29th birthday.  THAT seems so young!  But when I remember the mom of my youth, she was so mature and, well, mom-like.  Sure, I remember her having fun and going out with friends for dinner or playing cards, and drinking beer at football games.  But she had a full time job to do, raising her 3 kids.  And I think I can speak for all of us when I say that I knew we were her priority.  Did she ever wake up and think, how did I get this life?  Or was that the life that she planned?   

Sometimes I look at my life and wonder, is this what I thought 36 would look like?  In some ways, I have a very normal life.  I'm married with a stepdaughter.  I work a full time job.  And I think that's where what I (used to) perceive as normal ends.  20 years ago I wouldn't have imagined that I'd be going to bed at 8 pm or running marathons for fun on the weekends.  Hell, 20 years ago I was lucky to be able to run a mile in gym class.  But is this what life is supposed to be?  I feel like time is going by too quickly and I don't want to miss it.   

As I've watched my parents gracefully age, I've seen them demonstrate a love for life and everything in it.  They are surrounded by people who love them and have a more active social life than I do.  They love to travel and go places where they can enjoy the scenery as well as the company.  They devote time to their family and their beloved grandchildren.  They love food and the more than occasional toast.  Watching them, I think, this IS life.  Life is what you make of it and every day is a gift and an opportunity for celebration.  Not just the birthdays or holidays, but every day. 

Having chosen not to have children, I think sometimes my perception of time is different than others who are parents.  Time for me is not marked by births, or diapers and "firsts", or choosing the right school district.  Time is not marked from one year to the next by the growth and changes in the people around me, or the moving from one grade to the next in school.  Time only moves as fast or as slow as I allow it to based on how much I fill my time with people and things that I love.   

Reflecting back on 2012 I am reminded, again, how blessed I am.  I have a job that I enjoy, a warm house with 4 kitties who love to snuggle the minute I sit down.  I have a husband who adores me and with whom I never tire of spending time.  I got to spend time this year building relationships with people who are important to me.  I am healthy and am happy to live in an area where I can be outside all day long on the weekends and never have to look at a weather forecast (hot and sunny!).

I should not fear the passing of time unless I fail to stop and smell the roses along the way. 

So, so long 35.  Here's what I have to live up to next year (in no particular order):

Covering over 5000 miles on two wheels.  That's a lot of wind-in-my-hair, laugh-like-a-little-kid freedom.  I love my bicycle!! 

Exploring new trails, and sharing my love of trail running with friends.

Finishing my (first!) Rim to Rim to Rim crossing of the Grand Canyon with nothing but a hydration pack, a few calories and my favorite partner in crime.

Sharing my favorite place on earth with my Dad.  He hiked the Bright Angel Trail to Indian Garden and back to the Rim.

Running the Tahoe Rim Trail 50 Mile Endurance Run with my little sis.

Finishing the TRT 50!  I'll never forget the hours we spent at the sushi place 'solving all the worlds problems'.  I love you, lil sis!

Ironman St. George.  Even though I didn't finish, I got to spend 6 months talking trash with the family about who was going to win the showdown.  (Boys 2, Girls 0)  My family is freakin' awesome!!

Love, love, love these two.  Got to celebrate their engagement in St. George and Vegas.  I'm pretty sure they're going to be as happy as we are. 

I swam, and swam, and swam.  I swam my way to a PR at the Iron distance, with over 280 miles of swimming this year.  Actually, to celebrate my birthday I'm swimming 10k at 3:30 tomorrow morning!

I call this photo "Joy".  It's the only emotion I'm feeling this moment as I've just pushed myself in training for 12 months, and on the race course for 10 hours and 54 minutes.  This is what blood, sweat, and tears gets you in the end.  Joy.

 

 Wow, nothing like looking back on the year to make one a little nostalgic!  It's been an amazing journey, one day at a time.  I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and start my next year, and the first day of the rest of my life!