The Earth is Flat and Other Random Theories

Theory #1: The Earth is flat.
This may contradict everything you ever learned in elementary school. But it's true. How do I know this? Well, I read it in Triathlete Magazine. It's how one former pro rationalized the phenomenon of the perpetual head wind. You know, when you go out for a ride and no matter which direction you are going there's a head wind? It's because the Earth is flat. It spins like a top on it's center axis. I know. Makes total sense to me too.

Theory #2: Asshole drivers are just jealous.
Not hard to comprehend this one. You know those drivers who insist on blowing by you, honking, and swerving inches from your carbon frame? They are just jealous of our freedom and ability to spend hours at a time on a bicycle. By choice. They are usually too fat, too lazy, too tied down with a zillion kids, or just plain too scared to be able to go for a bike ride. They take their envy out the fit, happy cyclists populating the roadways.

Theory #3: Some people sabotage their own performance so they have an excuse for their failure.
I know people like this. The girl who signs up for Ironman and then only does a total of 30 miles of bike riding prior to race day. When I finish faster than her inevitibly it's because "I didn't train!" Well, duh. Or the guy who kills himself doing 120 mile bike rides every weekend only to spend the last weekend of taper drunk on alcohol and cigarettes. That will make race day really fun. Have fun trying to catch your breath during the swim. Or the person who stops training 4 weeks before race day. So when they don't have their best day, well, we know why. I believe it's all subconscious. I don't know that these people even realize that they are intentionally giving themselves an out. You know what? I dare you to take a chance. Train hard. Like you mean it. Sleep well. Eat right. And when race day rolls around... go out there and have the time of your life! I guarantee it will all be worth it. You may not win. But you will do the best you can do and it'll feel easy.

Theory #4: If it's good, you're hooked.
Run a marathon for the first time. If it's a good experience, no matter how many times you might fail in the future, you'll always do another. If it's a not-so-good experience, you may never do another one. Same goes for Ironman. There's something addictive about the endorphins and the fatigue. I fall into the first category. My first marathon was in 2003. I didn't train appropriately. I was very inexperienced. I didn't wear technical clothing. I overdresssed. I didn't eat on schedule. I ate the candy at mile 21 on the course. I finished in 6 hours and a few minutes. But I loved every minute of it. I was a marathoner. I still remember distinct details about that day. I knew when I crossed the finish line, I would do more. And even though my second marathon was my worst marathon experience to date, it didn't matter. I was already hooked.