Saturday, April 30, 2016

Finding Kona: The Aftermath

So what will you do after Kona?

The question was posed casually enough by a friend as we were running through early dawn hours on our favorite trail.  In the quiet moment of my pause I realized that I was a little afraid about the next phase.  What will I do after?  

It's something that I've given quite a bit of thought to, and being the planner that I am, I actually thought it was all mapped out.  Ultra520k Canada (formerly Ultraman Canada) 2017 and TRT 100 miler 2018.  The closer that Ultra520k gets the more afraid I become.  But not for the obvious reasons.

As I verbalized my fears out loud I felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders.  Crewing at Ultraman Canada in 2014 was one of those rare, special life experiences.  I feel like the experience I had there is something that can't be duplicated, and I worry that if I do Ultra520k, I will spoil that perfect memory.

"What made the experience so special", he asked.

As we continued to run I explained.  "I showed up barely knowing my athlete, and left feeling like family.  We (myself and the other 2 crew members) spent 3 days committed to one goal.  We neglected our own needs to support our athlete as he swam, biked and ran over 520 kilometers.  We each had to be completely invested and be able to put differences aside to work together as a team.  I watched him suffer, so... gracefully....    I know how I get when I'm suffering and well, I don't want to ruin it." 

My friend thoughtfully replied, "But you know, it's not really the same thing.  Crewing is completely different from being on the other end as the racer.  Plus you will have people lining up to crew for you.  You'll have the pick of the litter.  And your crew will create that same experience for you."  

I continued to ponder the subject even as we moved our conversation in a different direction.  I really want to do Ultra520k Canada.  It is way outside my comfort zone, and it scares the shit out of me.  I want to do something that scares me.  I'm ready for a new challenge.  Assuming they approve my application, I think this has to be my next step.      

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