Taking Aim

A year ago I made some bold predictions for my Ironman Arizona race.  Those predictions were based on workouts that I had executed in training, a dash confidence, and a sprinkling of a dream.

I am positive that some read my predictions which I posted 12 hours before the start of the race, and thought I was absolutely crazy.  Egocentric.  Overconfident.  There was no way that I, a 12 1/2 hour IM finisher, should cut over an hour off my previous best time.  And when I executed the race of my dreams, no one was more surprised than me.  I told myself over and over and over for 6 straight months that I could do it.  I made myself believe.  And because I believed, I was able to see it through.

This year, I don't have that confidence.  I haven't believed in myself.  In my potential.  But ironically, today I pulled my training log from a year ago and compared it to now.  Guess what I found?  My key workouts were executed in exactly the same time as a year ago. 

Leading up to IMAZ 2012, I swam my final 10x 200 on 2:53, and my 3 x 1000 on 14:30.  This year, I swam my 10 x 200s on 2:50 and my 3 x 1000 on 14:25. 

Leading up to IMAZ 2012, I biked my final 100 miler in 5:30, and my last long ride (73 miles) in 4:01 with a 4 mile T-run in 34 minutes.  This year I biked my final 100 miler in 5:27 and my last long ride (77 miles) in 4:07 with a 4 mile T-run in 33 minutes.

Leading up to IMAZ 2012, I ran my final two 20 milers in 3:17 and 3:06.  This year I ran my final two 20 milers in 3:07. 

Sitting at my desk my jaw slowly dropped.  There's no way....  But there is.  And it's staring me in the face.  The difference between then and now is that now I know I CAN do it.  Last year, it was a dream.  A goal.  This year, it's a reality waiting to be repeated. 

Last year I was calm and focused.  I was ready.  This year I'm frazzled, and I'm nervous.  I can't sleep.  I'm anxious.  And I am terrified.  This is not necessarily a bad thing... I just need to channel that energy and make it useful on race day. 

One of my favorite quotes goes something like this...

'When you want to be successful at something as badly as you want to breathe when someone is holding your head underwater, then you will be successful.  You must want it with every fiber of your being.' 

In 9 days when I am treading water in Tempe Town Lake waiting for the cannon to sound, I will close my eyes, blinking back tears, and tell myself "this is my race."  I will think of the words of the song that have gotten me through tough times in training.  Bulletproof.  Nothing to lose.  Fire away. Fire away.  Ricochet.  You take your aim.  Fire away. Fire away.  Shoot me down.  But I won't fall.  I am titanium.  It was the song that played a year ago, while I was treading water and it got into my blood.  It made sense to me.  I embraced it's power. 

I won't make predictions on my splits this year.  I don't want to limit myself.  But triathlon is not a private activity.  People are watching.  And I'm going to show them what it's like to want something.