Under the Stars

A little insight into a very complicated mind.  I hope you enjoy the ride.

I'm a thinker.  A contemplater.  A philosopher.  Recently there have been a few changes in the dynamics of some relationships that have left me feeling a little out of sorts.  Being the type of person that I am, I asked myself, "why am I responding to this situation in this way?"  And then I start to look at my personality for clues.  Well, I value friendships and honesty.  I get my feelings hurt easily, despite my tough exterior.  And more often than not, when looking closely at who I am, two things stare me in the face.  My birth order and astrological sign.   

In many ways these are similar.  Both present ideas that are a little out there.  I mean, really, how could where you are born in your family really affect your personality?  *Smirk*  And astrology?  You're thinking, OK, now I know she's smoking crack.  Where can I get some?  (I often use this phrase and then I wonder, do you really smoke crack?  Isn't it usually snorted?  Or injected or something?)  Anyway, I digress.  Having never done drugs in my lifetime, I'll leave the details to someone else. 

But in many ways, these two thought patterns are very different.  Astrology is based on the stars and planets.  Not only do you have a "sign", but you are also born under a specific planet, and depending on the year and the day you are born it will affect you differently.  Blah, blah, blah.  Birth order, on the other hand, is written about by psychologists.  Trained medical professionals.  Clearly there's been at least some research, some truth to this.  Right?  Whatever.  I don't take it all too seriously, but it is rather fun to think about.  And I often feel like the person writing the book has actually followed me around for the past 34 years documenting my traits like a secret science experiment. 

For example, according to my astrological sign (Sagittarius) my good traits include optimism (I'll touch on this more later), spontaneity, honesty, warmth, inquiring mind, humanitarian.  And I just so happen to have luck on my side.  My negative traits?  You better sit down for this.  Hot headed.  Self indulgent.  Quick to judge.  Excessively blunt.  Impatient.  Manipulative.  Like I'm staring in a fucking mirror, isn't it? 

As children, Sagittarians tend to be happy and playful.  They expect to be loved by everyone.  They act on impulse and never sit still.  (What can I say?  Some people never grow up.)  As a female Sagittarius, I am quick tempered, can laugh at myself easily, am kind hearted, painfully tactless and I tend to preach.  Again, I feel like they could have written this book and put my name on the front cover.  Look up Sagittarius in the dictionary and you just might see my picture. 

As an employee, Sagittarians tend to work fast and furious.  They have the ability to naturally boost morale.  They rarely complain.  I don't know about that not complaining bit... does commiserating with co-workers count as complaining?  I don't complain about my job, just about frustrations dealing with situations pertaining to my job.  But, I am extremely efficient.  I work well under pressure and thrived when I worked in an emergency facility.  And I have the uncanny ability to work with anyone.  The one person on the staff that no one gets along with?  Yep, I've got them in my back pocket.  The client that makes the other veterinarian cry?  Wrapped around my little finger. 

On the other hand, I am (you guessed it!) the middle child.  The most interesting thing about the middle child is that they are toughest to pin down in terms of predictable birth order traits.  There are certain characteristic that are expected of first born, only children, and the baby of the family.  The middle child, while owning certain traits, has a wider range of unpredictability.  Things you can expect from a middle child?  They tend to be closed books.  They do not often confide in people and are more secretive, mysterious.  On the other hand, they tend to be very outgoing and are usually the first ones to leave the family to find friends, and most likely one to move across the country away from the family (or in my situation, move across the country 3 times). 

This reminds me of a story from my childhood.  I grew up in a neighborhood where everyone's back yards faced the park that lived in the middle.  It was an enormous playground and I spent a lot of time there.  My younger sister and I had games that we invented along with the usual "tag" and hide-n-seek.  We had a basketball court and no one minded that I changed the rules to suit my whim (also known as: lack of talent).  We built snow forts and sledded down the hills in the winter time.  Anyway, once I met a girl at the playground and went home with her because she was my new friend.  I must have been ready to start first grade.  The girl told me her name was Alison (turns out it was Jennifer, but she like Alison better).  Alison's mom made me call my mom and tell her where I was.  Try that one on for size.  Your 5 year old calls and tells you she's at her new friend's house, whom you've never heard of or met?  Anyway, things were different in the late 70s/ early 80s and I'm sure that wasn't the only heart attack I ever gave my mom.  (Sad, but nowadays, my stepdaughter is not allowed to play outside alone for fear of abduction.) 

Many people are familiar with the term "middle child syndrome" whereby the middle child displays feelings of being left out or ignored.  There are never any photos of the middle child in the baby books.  They aren't overindulged like the oldest or youngest tend to be.  They are just kind of lost.  In the middle.  (Couldn't resist the pun.)  The interesting thing about this, though, is that I also read that the middle child has the capability of reversing the roles in the family.  According to psychologists (at least the one I read...), each child is influenced by the children ahead of them in the family.  So the middle child is influenced by the oldest child and tends to be the opposite of that child.  However, if the middle child senses that she can compete with the oldest sibling, and do so successfully, she may cause a reversal of roles resulting in the middle child taking on more prestige, privilege, and responsibility. 

The middle child has a broader range of traits which manifest differently in each person depending on the influence of the older sibling.  A middle child may be a loner or very outgoing.  She may be impatient or laid back.  Competitive or easy going.   A rebel or a peacemaker.  Aggressive and scrappy or try to avoid conflict.  But one thing that the professionals seemed to agree on is that middle children tend to make very well adjusted adults.  They are independent and mentally tough.  They know how to negotiate and compromise.  They are diplomatic and willing to take risks.  They are realistic and unspoiled. 

At work, a middle child is a team player, reliable and loyal.  In relationships, middle children need a little room to share feelings (again: not an open book).  They can be sensitive, and if they don't express themselves feelings may bubble over into anger.  They are considered faithful marriage partners and are highly loyal, sticking to their commitments.  However, middle children can be manipulative as they've had to learn how to get what they want.  They can also seem stubborn and bull headed.  (Who, me?)

On the athletic front, I think both aspects of my personality have contributed to my success. I have an endless supply of energy and I can't sit still. I'm competitive and willing to take a risk. I'm stubborn, mentally tough, and don't mind being alone inside my own head for hours on end (a good trait when it comes to endurance sports!).

When I look at the list of traits for both my birth order and my astrological sign, I resemble quite a few of them.  Most in fact.  But there were a few interesting ideas that stood out to me that prompted a little deeper thought. 

First, in my family (I am the middle of 3 girls, very close in age) I am the favorite.  I love telling people this because they expect the middle child to feel slighted and display symptoms of "middle child syndrome".  I've speculated a lot on why I was the favorite despite being the most challenging of the 3 of us to parent.  I think in some ways I demanded attention within my family.  The Sagittarius in me combined with the middle child need to be opposite of my sister resulted in an adventurous, spirited individual who is not afraid to speak her mind.  Those kind of people are tough to ignore. 

I've also thought, at different points in my life, that maybe I was a little closer to my parents than my sisters because I actually provided them with parenting challenges.  These challenges were opportunities for my parents to talk to me, to teach me, to love me, to discipline me.  I am thankful that they took their parenting roles seriously and didn't shy away from honest, open conversation.  It could have been a lot different if they had chosen to "ignore" me or were too embarrassed or busy to address issues.  Parenting is not easy, but they did a great job. 

And in reality, my parents don't love me any more than they love my sisters.  I just like to tease everyone a bit... though my sisters have both admitted that I am, in fact, the favorite.  OK, no really, I'm moving on.  (Mom and dad, if you're reading, feel free to confirm or deny the above statements.)

The other thing that stood out to me is that contrary to my Sagittarius heritage, I am not what most would consider optimistic.  I like to think of myself as having a more realistic outlook, not necessarily pessimistic.  I think we are all a product of our experiences, and at times I don't have a lot of faith in society or people in general.  My husband views this as being pessimistic.  I see it as having a realistic view of humanity, and therefore lower expectations.  I don't often see a reason to give someone the benefit of the doubt.  I don't like to be disappointed.  However in my personal relationships, I'm often the opposite which is why it's very easy for me to get my feelings hurt.  I set up an expectation and when it's not met I'm disappointed.  No one's fault but my own. 

Which brings me back to the point of the blog to begin with.  When I ask myself, why am I responding to this situation in this manner?  The answer is that I had an expectation, but my expectation was based on a scenario that I created in my head (rather than having actually communicated).  I then expected someone else to live up to that expectation which wasn't fair.  Having realized this, I can now move on, happily!  Phew! 

Have you ever researched your sign or birth order?  Do you resemble them?  I had fun "researching" for this blog.  Most of it I had read before but it always gives me a good laugh.  I think it's important to understand yourself.  And better yet, to like yourself.  Thankfully, there's no one I'd rather spend time with.  (Though my husband does compliment me well, and is great company!  I'll have to research his sign next....)