Relentless Forward Motion

OK, now I'm starting to get annoyed. I am not sleeping well. Sometimes I'm so anxious I want to vomit. I know I'm not imagining it... I did reread my blog post from last year. So please tell me WHY does this scare me so much, and yet there are literally HUNDREDS of people who do this without the slightest bit of regard? I just don't get it.

I'm not in terrible shape. Granted, I don't live at elevation. And I don't hike mountains on a daily basis. But 95% of people don't either. Why is it so easy for them? Why am I the only one worried?

I was chatting with friends last night and we were comparing experiences in the GC. My comment involved words like miserable and death march (to describe the last few miles of power hike up to the North Rim) and hardest thing I've ever done (to describe the entire adventure). I went so far as to say that it made Ironman look like a walk in the park, which it did! And one guy looked at me and said, really? cause I didn't think it was really that challenging. (or something to that effect). For REAL?? Am I overreacting? I do have a tendency toward the dramatic....

In reality, I made the crossing last year without any real trouble. Yes, it was hard. But I was with an awesome group of people and we enjoyed every minute of it. But there are so many things that can go wrong. And what if I start down the canyon on day 2 and my legs just can't go any farther? Then what? I have to keep going. I don't have a choice.

I am curious to see what my group this year thinks. They are all Ironman. They all could kick my ass in pretty much any training workout, but we race similarly. If they don't feel the way I did a year ago (and will probably feel again this year) then I'm going to just have to assume I am a wimp. Bummer.

I consulted my friend RW on this subject since she will attempt the double with me this year (and shared the shuttle with me last year). She sent me some visualizations which I swear I've been trying to do. Maybe I need to believe in myself a little more. Worry a little less. Yes, it will be a long day. But I will be with friends. And surrounded by a beautiful canyon. Doing something that I love. I will focus. I will stay calm. I will relentlessly move forward. At all times. For however long it takes.