Ditching the security blanket...

I'd like to publicly apologize to the SkirtChaser for being such a bitch the last couple of days. I can only blame it on one thing. Lack of endorphins. And maybe a little bit of fear. I realized today that I've been hiding under a security blanket for the last few months. It started out harmless enough. I started riding with a group from LTF two mornings a week in the summer. Then I stopped doing long rides alone and instead made sure I had a training partner along for the ride. Then I stopped doing solo short rides during the week. It wasn't a conscious decision to stop riding my bike alone. It just sort of happened. And now, I look back at my training log and realize that it's been WEEKS since I've ridden my bike alone. So what does me being terrified to ride my bike (I seriously need a sports psychologist to help me sort this out!) have to do with me being a bitch?

Well, last night I enjoyed a late dinner with some friends who are in town for IM. We talked and ate and drank a few beers and before I knew it, it was 2 hours past my bedtime. The last thing my friend shouted to me in the parking lot as we were leaving was "you better sleep in! I better not find out you got up at 4:30 am for the group ride!" Believing that sleep was more important to my upcoming race, I did elect not to set an alarm clock. Unfortunately, by body has an inner clock that wakes every morning at 5 am on its own. So this morning, I wake up at 5 am, and am pissed that it's too late to make it to the group ride, but too early to actually be awake since I don't have to be to the lake until 8. So I lie there for an hour. Tossing. Turning. Irritated that I am wasting time, lying in bed being totally unproductive. And mad that now I was going to have to ride my bike alone if I wanted to ride, which I desperately needed to do since I just put my race wheels on.

So finally SkirtChaser's alarm goes off at 6 and I fly out of bed. He grabs my leg before I can make it all the way to a standing position and insists that I ignore the alarm and come back to bed. Having already laid there for 60 extra minutes, I was in no mood to spend any more of my day pretending to sleep. So we got up. He headed out the door for his run and I began vacuuming. Yes, vacuuming. This is what I do when I am on taper and can't workout. I clean. I spend 30 minutes vacuuming and then SkirtChaser walks in the door and asks why the vacuum smells like it's burning. I have terrible allergies, made worse by all the dust in my house, so I can't breathe through my nose and thus can't smell the burning vacuum. I remark that I thought there was something wrong with it since I seemed to be pushing the dirt around and not actually sucking anything up. So, that pissed me off even more, having wasted 30 minutes on vacuuming when I could have been doing laundry or something.

Then I finally made it down to the lake after sitting in rush hour traffic on the 202. I get my wetsuit on but am too lazy to work it all the way up over my shoulders like I do on race day. So I jump in the lake and start swimming and immediately my suit is chafing the back of my neck. Not good. I try to wiggle around and adjust it to no avail. So after something like 5 minutes in the water, I decide it's not worth being chafed and uncomfortable on race day so I turn around. Another waste of my time. I had planned on swimming for 20-30 minutes and was not happy about my workout being cut short. After the non-swim, I did enjoy a lovely breakfast with my good friend and training partner. Then the mania started again when we got in line for athlete registration. This was the 5th time I've gone through IM registration, and by far the least efficient. I waited in line for over an hour, and then was irritated to see only 4 people at the first table passing out packets. The rest of the volunteers in the back of the tent were stuck waiting with nothing to do. (Please note: I appreciate ALL the volunteers for without them we could not race IM, I just wish the ones up front had more help cause they were swamped!).

And then, if my day had not dragged on long enough... I had to sit in traffic for another hour driving up to my favorite tri shop for some last minute needs (ear plugs people! 64 degree water!) and then driving to pick up my vegetables which had been dropped off at work (normally I would be working today if it were not IM week), and then driving home. I. hate. driving. Especially on the crowded freeway.

So finally I am home, I ride my bike (alone!) to the post office to pick up a package, I ride home. Shower. Eat late lunch. Go pick up the small SC from school (driving again!). And finally I can rest for the evening.

Anyway, Ironman will be over on Sunday and I can start training again. Until then, my sweetheart, I love you and I will try my very best to not be a bitch another second. I realize the error of my ways (I sucked today!) and know that you love me anyway. Thank you for that.