Acceptance: Finding Aloha in Grief

Me:  There's a 90 year old guy checking me out.  I'm pretty sure he's jealous of my donut pillow. 

The BFF:  He's jealous because you look so young for 80. 

I was fully in denial.  I arrived at camp with my bike on the back of my car because I'm wasn't willing to let go just yet.  It sat in the casita while my teammates rode all of my favorite routes, laughing, and bonding over the suffering.

There's also been anger, bargaining, and a more than a few moments of complete despair, or depression, if you want to use the correct terminology for the stages of grief.  I cried on the phone as the doctor read my MRI results.  (depression)  It doesn't hurt.  Please can I ride my bike?  And I can run, right?  I pleaded with him over text message later that day.  (denial)  OK no running or biking,  but what about hiking?  I can hike right?  (bargaining)

And then, finally, my last text message to him... I need a letter from my physician stating why I can't race Ironman, for the insurance company.  Can you email that to me?  (acceptance) 

Acute, traumatic fracture of the sacrum at S4-S5.  That's my official diagnosis.  The trauma had nothing to do with swim, bike or run... nothing to do with training or over training...  Once it's healed here in another couple of weeks, I can get back to the business at hand.  Not like a stress fracture or a soft tissue injury. 

It was a tough decision to not race Oceanside.  Knowing what I know now, I'm glad I didn't.  The nerves that come off the spinal cord and travel through the S4-S5 region control bladder and bowel function.  I don't think I need to explain the repercussions if I fuck up recovery.  I still rode my bike and ran that weekend.  Monday morning after the race we drove home and that evening I went in for the MRI.  In fact the morning I got my results I rode my bike for 90 minutes with intervals, and ran 5 miles at race pace.  My doctor called me 2 hours after I finished.  I just couldn't believe that it was even possible that there was a fracture.  I only had the MRI because Hillary insisted. 

And I guess I wasn't going to say anything, because there's nothing TO say.  But there are a couple of reasons why I decided to: 

1.  Because everyone is asking.  Living in my own little world, no one notices what I'm doing.  No one cares.  But when you proclaim that you're going to defend your title at a race and then suddenly don't show up on the start line, people start wondering... and asking.  I've basically just ignored every inquiry, mostly because I just don't feel like talking about it.  But sometimes, the stories that people are willing to make up are so much worse than the actual truth.  So I wanted to put the truth out there so no one feels the need to make shit up. 

2.  Because I am 100% fine.  I'm not in pain.  I can still work.  I can still swim (with open turns), and walk, and even do a bit of strength training (with some limitations).  I believe that everything resolves to good.  And no matter how disappointed I am that I don't get to race Texas or Santa Rosa, I know in my heart that something good will come out of this.  Something better.  Why this happened to me, I may never know.  But it's not my right to know.  For whatever reason, the universe decided that I needed healing and presented that opportunity to me.  I am taking my recovery seriously-- like it's my full time job.   

3.  Because I want my athletes to see this and know that life happens, moment by moment, and we improvise, adapt and overcome.  Sometimes it's injury.  Sometimes work gets in the way of training.  Sometimes it's a family member and you drop everything to be with them in their time if need.  Triathlon is a hobby, and a passion, and a lifeline for a lot of us.  It helps us make friends as adults, and relieve stress from real life, and burn a few extra calories from the beer we like to enjoy at dinner.  But if you can't be flexible, and change the plans when you need to, you will drive the enjoyment right out of the sport and it'll die a slow and painful death.  And I intend to be in this sport for the rest of my life, so 6-8 weeks to heal is a mere pine needle on the trail I'm walking. 

I called Hillary with my MRI results an hour before I was supposed to drive to Tucson for a long weekend training camp.  Come to camp, she said.  It will be good for you to be around your teammates.  And she was right.  It was good to be around people that were in good spirits and hang out and talk to friends I don't see often.  I met one of my athletes from the East coast who has given me so much joy in my coaching job over the last 6 months.  And she made me laugh every single day.  I got to watch her grow in courage and confidence over the 5 days.  And I got to witness another athlete, who had previously struggled with self esteem, tackle workouts with grace and confidence and strength.  So even if I wasn't riding or running next to them, I was still in the presence of greatness.

I walked a lot.  I joined in on swim workouts.  And I sat back as an observer and watched my teammates work hard.  Giving more when they thought the tank was empty.  And my passion grew.  My desire grew.  My willingness to work hard for my dreams grew.  With every step they took. 

I am pulling out of Texas and Santa Rosa.  God-willing, I will be on the start line in Boulder, not racing, but using it as a long training day.  And I am planning a late summer Ironman as the new start to my racing season. 

I am grateful that my best friend is on speed dial and she doesn't let me wallow in my shit.  She makes me laugh and reminds me that I'm 40 going on 80, and that things could be so. much. worse.  And she's already agreed to join me on my next adventure...

I got to walk along a 9 mile section of the Arizona Trail last weekend while everyone was running.  It was so amazingly beautiful.  I stopped to take pictures of all the flowers blooming and the changing landscapes as I traveled along on foot.  Things I never would have noticed had I been running.  And it inspired a new dream, a new desire, a new goal. 

I want to thru-hike the AZT. 

 

 

Finding Aloha: Easing into 2018

Somehow it's February.  "They say" that as you get older, time seems to go by faster because it's a shorter percentage of your life span.  When you're 5 years old a year is 20% of your lifetime, and it seems like forever for Christmas to arrive.  When you're 41... well, each year just seems to slip by. 

I (mistakenly) thought that by going part time I would have MORE time.  In reality I have the same amount of time and more space to become less efficient with my time.  Isn't it funny how the more stuff you have on your plate, the easier it is to cram it all in?  You are efficient with your time because you have to be.  *sigh*

I truly enjoyed my off season and took advantage of the extra time to spend with H and DB, and getting ahead of tax season at Cadence.  And by the time it was time to train again, I was chomping at the bit.  We started incorporating strength training right away which was definitely lacking from my schedule over the last year. 

I finished off 2017 with a long weekend in Sedona with the #bff.  We drank a lot of coffee, did a little hiking, talked about life and the book we're writing and plans for the future.  Despite my fear of heights H navigated me up the inconspicuous trail to the top of Cathedral Rock for sunrise.  She literally had to hold my hand on several occasions, not because I was going to fall, but because my mind convinced me I *could* fall.  Maybe this will be the next fear I work on in my mindfulness training...

Cathedral Rock:  worth the climb!

DB and I spent a quiet holiday season at home and for new year's eve, we joined a group of my Team HPB athletes for a 10k swim to finish out a 100k month that one of the girls was tackling in December.  She crushed it and we had a lot of fun on NYE, celebrating with a late lunch after our long swim.  

Colleen's 10k swim! #teamwork

January rolled in quickly and we found ourselves at Team HPB's first annual early season bike camp.  True to her word, Hillary had us ride easy over the 3 days racking up 300 miles and 20k ft of climbing, a good launching point to kick off training for the new race season.  Contrary to April training camp, where it's basically attack, attack, attack for 5 days... we eased into camp with a jog and a sprint swim, rolled up a new mountain each day, and by the end of the 4th day we found ourselves in better shape than when we arrived.  Feeling strong, refreshed and ready to train after the long off season.  We capped off the long weekend with a 10k swim, in true Team HPB fashion.  

Smash Dimond FTW!

Mt. Lemmon climb.

After camp I had a couple solid weeks of training then spend a few days at my favorite place:  The Grand Canyon.  Rach and I drove up on a Monday and after we checked in at the lodge, we stopped by the Phantom Ranch desk to see if there were any cancellations.  The attendant told us there were beds available in the women's dorm on Tuesday evening and we quickly signed up!  

Hitting the road to the GC!!

Our hiking plans changed to incorporate the overnight stay at Phantom (a GC must!!) and we stocked our backpacks in preparation for the next morning before having a quick bite to eat.  On Tuesday we got up early to be fed, caffeinated and on the trail shortly after sunrise.  

Plateau Point.  My heart is full.

We took Bright Angel Trail to Indian Garden where the Plateau Point Trail branches off and travels, mostly flat, for 1.5 miles out to an overlook where we had a break and a snack.  We set our meditation timers and sat for 10 minutes.  It was the most difficult 10 minute meditation I've ever had as I could hear the Colorado River far below me and I struggled to keep my eyes closed against the beauty of the backdrop.  Refreshed and refueled, we made our way back to Indian Garden and continued down Bright Angel to Phantom Ranch.  

View from the Plateau Point

We got checked in and after claiming our beds in the women's dorm we headed to the Cantina to enjoy a beer and some snacks.  We played a few rounds of checkers and chatted with some fellow hikers who were spending the evening at Phantom.  I love the characters that you meet at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.  These are my people.  Adventurous.  Dirty, smelly, hungry.  Full of life and stories to tell.  

Beers taste better after hiking!

The Cantina closed to get ready for the first round of diners and we took a hike back down to the river where we sat and waited for the sunset.  That deep in the canyon, you can't actually see the sunset as the canyon wall to the west blocks the view.  We also discovered that you can't see the moon from the river either-- that night was the super/ blood/ blue moon and we missed it.  A group of hikers we sat with at dinner planned to get up at 2 am to be above the Tonto Plateau in time to see it, but we opted to sleep in and enjoy breakfast before getting on the trail.

I woke up early on Wednesday morning.  The wake up call for the first breakfast is 5 am and I was already lying awake when they came by with a soft knock on the door.  I got dressed quietly, knowing my entire dorm was eating at the second breakfast and slipped out into the chilly morning.  I hiked down to the river and sat in darkness on the beach, just looking up at the stars.  We don't see a lot of stars in the city.  So to appreciate the Milky Way in all of its glory was amazing.  

After a breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacon, fruit and coffee we headed for the South Kaibab Trail and the South Rim.  I LOVE the South Kaibab Trail.  There is something so beautiful in the raw, rugged, exposed terrain.  It is by far my favorite trail and I love to hike it from river to rim.  On rested legs and full bellies, the climb is much easier than at the end of a double crossing.  And it's easier to stop along the way and appreciate the beauty.  

No filter needed.  South Kaibab and the Colorado River.

After about 4 hours of hiking and sight seeing, we reached the South Rim and hopped on a shuttle back to the Grand Canyon Village.  We stopped and had lunch on our way back to the cabin, opting for food over showers.  The hot showers felt great after refueling and we relaxed in our cabin for a few hours before dinner.  Pizza and beers were on the menu for that night at the Maswik Pizza Pub with a sunset walk back to the cabin to help our dinner digest.  

On Thursday morning we were the only 2 hikers on the early shuttle back to the South Kaibab trailhead.  We hopped off the bus and started down the trail just as the sun was beginning to threaten it's arrival.  We secured our spot at Ooh Aah Point where we sat for an hour and watched the sunrise.  The sky went from dark with a thin line of red and orange, to pink and lavender, to full blue all the while casting amazing colors across the canyon walls.  The red-orange of the rocks never looks more beautiful than at sunrise.  

The terrain of the South Kaibab Trail.

By the time we finished watching the sunrise, and got up to hike out others were beginning to make their way down the trail.  But that first hour and the show put on by the canyon at sunrise was all for us.  We grabbed a quick bite and a cup of coffee back at the visitor center before hitting the road and I dropped Rachel in Sedona to spend some time with the #bff on my way back to the valley... and back to work.  

That afternoon wasn't all a let down though... I submitted my application for the Ultraman World Championships in November!  Invitations don't go out until mid-March so I have a few more weeks to wait but I could not be more excited about the prospect.  Fingers crossed!

Tomorrow I'm "racing" a half marathon.  First official race since Ironman in November.  It might not be pretty, but it will be fun.  I look forward to blowing off the cobwebs from the run legs, and kicking off a block of training where we'll be increasing my run mileage.  Bike camp isn't exactly over yet, I hope, but we need to start thinking about April because racing season is rapidly approaching!   

Happy Training!

Finding Kona: Staying the Course

I have been noticeably absent from writing this summer and I think it's combination time is escaping me and I was struggling with the lack of sunshine and rainbows.  Over the last few months I've had multiple conversations/ reminders from Hillary that what I'm feeling is normal and not to lose sight of reality.  So here's the reality check:

1.  I remember nailing my 12 mile run the day after spring camp ends, when everyone else was sleeping in and enjoying a little recovery swim.  What I forget is that when I found out I had a 12 mile progression run after 5 days of destroying myself I threw the biggest pity party known to man.  Complete with tears.  #notsunshineandrainbows

2.  I remember the feeling of pride after completing the Mt. Lemmon double.  I felt invincible.  I forget crying on the side of the road at Palisades 3 hours into the ride because I was sure there was no way I could finish the double.  And if I hadn't seen Hillary and her group heading up as I descended the mountain I likely would have gone back to my car, tucked my tail between my legs, and driven home defeated.  #notsunshineandrainbows

3.  I remember being so so tired in April, but so fucking strong.  No matter what she threw at me, the hardest part of my day was getting out of bed.  I did not nail every single workout.  But I finished every single thing she asked me to do and I believe that I was rewarded with my (tired + strong) happy place because of it.

The other thing that I've struggled with is the connection with my goal.  The spiritual connection.  The "it" factor.  That one little piece of the puzzle that drives you, keeps you engaged.  Pursuing Kona for so long, and then finally being able to make that dream a reality, and then rolling straight into Ultraman, which is like #findingkona on steroids... you can imagine the difficulty coming down from that high.  I have struggled since May to connect with a "normal" goal.  To feel satisfied in doing normal things.  I didn't realize how much I was getting on an emotional and spiritual level chasing these goals for the last 4 years.  I imagine it's like summiting Everest and then getting back to base camp wondering, what's next?  There are no higher mountains left to climb.

Thankfully that's not exactly true with triathlon, there's always another goal.  Another race.  A faster time.  Higher watts.  A faster swim.  But taking a step back from Ultraman has been, well... disappointing.  I crave that strong + tired feeling from 5 months ago.  I crave that little bit of fear of the unknown.  Prior to Ultraman I told Hillary that if I was going to race UM, and then be too burnt out to race another Ironman I didn't want to do it.  What I didn't realize at the time is that while I would feel physically fine after Ultraman, mentally it would be more challenging to toe the line in something LESS that Ultraman.  And thus far I've avoided doing so.  I joined my sister for a 3 day half marathon series.  I raced the inaugural Alaskaman Extreme Triathlon.  But it's nearly October and right now I'm not even close to obtaining All World Athlete status for next year.

But knowing that I DO want to go back to Kona again, I had to do something to change this mindset.  I reached out to a friend of mine, Jess the YogiTriathlete, and asked her if I could come live in her world for a few days.  Jess and her husband, BJ, incorporate yoga, meditation and mindfulness into their daily triathlon and running training.  They coach athletes and Jess does online meditation instruction as part of this, but I hoped that by leaving my world behind for a few days, and immersing myself in their culture that I could learn to connect with my goals in a new way.  Bring some fresh vision and life to my dreams.  Be all in for those few days so that I can be all in when I line up to race my first Ironman of the year in 6 weeks.

So next week I will embark on my High Vibe Retreat.  Aside from swim, bike and run training with BJ, I will have daily meditation sessions and yoga on the beach with Jess.  In addition we will prepare most meals together in their plant based kitchen.  My good friend, Rachel, is flying in from Iowa to join me for this most amazing journey.  I have watched her embrace life's ups and downs over the last year and I thought, who better to join me on this adventure?  It would be my dream to one day take my whole tribe for a High Vibe Retreat weekend, but for now, the one on one attention that Rachel and I will receive is what's needed.

We're heading out a few days early so I can do some training with my fellow Team HPB mate and my coach.  And we'll soak up some salty sea air and sunshine while we're at it.  I'm sure there will be plenty of updates on Instagram and I'll be back to recap after the retreat!  Happy training!   

Ultraman Training: Finding Aloha in the Uncomfortable

I have started this post about a dozen times.  And a dozen times I've been interrupted, and then more exciting things happen so I delete and start over.  And it's been a month since my last update.  If I tried to explain everything that has happened in that 30 day time period I guarantee you would not believe me.  I'll run through some highlights.

1.  DAYS after my last post, we went to camp.

Our annual Team HPB training camp takes place over a long weekend in March.  During this weekend we smash ourselves and encourage our teammates to do the same.  This year going into camp with a decent amount of fitness I thought, Oh, I'll just breeze through the 100 mile bike ride and 10k swim no problem.  And compared to past years I did "breeze" through them.  But Hillary always manages to make the workouts challenging testing both my pride and my confidence.

For example, I've been swimming loads of yards for weeks now.  10k is really not a big deal.  BUT she made it a big deal by assigning me intervals that I can't hit.  Like 30 x 100 on 1:30, as 75 free/ 25 stroke (alternating back/ breast / fly).  Free no problem.  All those other strokes?  Forgedaboudit.  Or a kick set on 2:00.  (I SUCK at kicking).  But I did survive the swim.  And I was stronger for challenging myself through it.

A little post 10k swim selfie.

My favorite day ended up being our annual team race up Mt. Lemmon.  We divide into groups based on predicted finish time and then when your group hits the base of the climb it's game on.  We were instructed to race up the hill.  So in my little group of 6 or 8, we got to mile 0, I lapped out and gave them about 20 seconds to get moving and when no one did I surged from the back and took off.

First ones to the Cookie Cabin!!  #allthefood

About a mile later, Coach Alyssa had pulled Lauren up to my wheel and deposited her there.  We were instructed to keep the pressure on, work together and alternate miles.  We rode together until somewhere around mile 10 and when I went to take the lead Lauren fell off the back.  Only I didn't realize it so I kept going... talking to myself this whole time.  At some point when I don't get a response, I glance back and see that she's gone.  I'm by myself.

So I continued to hammer the pace stopping only briefly to refill water at Windy Point.  I lapped out at the top of the climb, 3W shy of my all time best, and 3 minutes shy of my PR.

Top of Gates Pass with my Team HPB roomie, Alli!

2.  The day after run.

Camp ends on Monday with a long trail run.  It's more of an adventure run because inevitably you get lost in the desert and 14 miles ends up taking 3 hours.  It's tradition to meet for margaritas on Monday night at the JW Marriott and celebrate the fact that you survived.  After lunch on Monday everyone checks their training plans for the next day to coordinate meeting up for the 2-3k recovery swim.  Everyone's looking at their smartphones and deciding which flavor of margarita they're going to get drunk on.  Meanwhile I am looking at my smartphone and a single tear rolls down my face.

Lost in the desert.  #adventurerun

My plan says this:  12- mile build on river path as 3 easy-3 steady- 3 stronger-3 very strong.
this is not about being fast -it is about doing the best you can on tired legs #ultramantraining

Immediately I am feeling sorry for myself.  Where's my easy recovery swim?  Maybe camp was supposed to feel easy and I don't need recovery?  Then why don't I feel like it was easy??

It was a slippery slope and needless to say there were no margaritas for me that night.  My husband drank a few margaritas to numb his tired body, but opted to retire to our casita early with me so that he could sherpa my run the next morning.

12 mile progression run on tried legs.  #ultramanstrong

We got up early to hit the river path.  My first 2 miles were slow and stiff.  10:45, and 10:30 respectively.  And then the stiffness and soreness from 5 days of camp just melted away and each mile was progressively faster.  I tried to keep them in groups of 3 as I was instructed.  My second 3 miles were closer to 945.  My 3rd set of 3 was around 9 or just under.  My last 3 miles?  824, 813, 735.  Those miles were faster than my progression run after the Mt. Lemmon ride.  And the best part was I felt fantastic by the end.  Like I could run forever.  Tired + Strong= Happy Place

And I still got to do my recovery swim later that afternoon.

3.  THE Ultraman Planning meeting!

After my run along the river path I sat down with Hillary for a 2 hour planning session.  We talked about everything pertaining to Ultraman.  Logistics.  Race strategy.  Nutrition.  Crew strategy.  Clothing options.  Anything and everything that might be important.  We made lists.  We looked at course profiles online.  We went over it all.  I felt a lot better about everything afterwards because I actually had a plan in place.  Hillary also reviewed the calendar for the next 6 weeks and we discussed where we could put all my final BIG workouts so I have a plan in place.

Hillary looks very excited about my impending suffering.

4.  The Lemmon Double.

A mere 5 days later I found myself back in Tucson, this time to tackle the Mt. Lemmon double.  Hillary had a second camp taking place and she thought it would be a good idea for me to climb the mountain twice with some SAG support in place.

I woke up that morning to a 3 am alarm and felt like my brain had been peeled out of dreamland.  You know that feeling when you wake up after a night of drinking and you're not hungover, but actually still drunk?  That's how I felt.  Only there was no drinking involved.  I felt dizzy.  And weak.  And slightly nauseated.  I am 100% certain it was a combination of being slightly dehydrated and calorically deprived from the day before.

The whole way to Tucson I blasted Avril Lavigne and Ana Nallick, while pounding calories and caffeine in hopes that I would wake up.  I parked at Le Buzz and took off on my bike in the early morning darkness.  There was no one in sight.  It was quiet and peaceful and watching the sun rise over the mountain, casting light over the varied terrain was spectacular.

Unfortunately I didn't appreciate my surroundings for long, and soon I was in survival mode.  I felt like dirt.  I drank my bottles filled with the usual calories, and ate some food but nothing was helping.  I cried.  A lot.  But I kept going.  After what seemed like an eternity I made it to the top of the main climb.  I pulled into the Palisades Visitor Center parking lot.  I got off my bicycle and sat down on the curb.  And I cried.  I cried believing that I was not going to do the second lap.  I was going to descend the mountain, go back to my car, and drive home with my tail between my legs.  I ate some more calories, dried my face, and started down.

As luck would have it, Hillary's group was only at mile 1 of the climb when I passed on my way down. I shouted over "this is not happening" and she responded "yes it is. You're fine". I stopped at the bottom of the climb, cried some more, took off my winter descending gear, ate some more and turned my bike around to head back up. It was quite possibly the hardest decision I've ever made. My car was 4 (flat) miles away. My pillow and bed were a 2 hour drive away. And I turned around for another 5 hours on the mountain.

Smiling because I finally caught up with SAG on lap 2!

I started catching the slower riders within a couple of miles and SAG passed me at around mile 3 and my friend Lauren yelled some encouragement out the window-- I immediately burst into tears. I stopped for SAG at mile 6 and basically cried the entire time I was eating/ refilling water.  

After my second trip up I pretty much looked like a zombie.

And then I got back on my bike and kept pedaling uphill. My second lap was much stronger than my first. Having company was such a boost and I forced myself to take in calories every 20 minutes. I made it to the top and sat like a zombie while everyone slowly arrived.

Pit stop with Team HPB teammate, Colleen.

When it was time to go, Hillary biked with me to the top of the climb out and then I descended alone. By the time I finished I was crying again, but not because I was feeling bad, but because I actually finished the ride when everything in me wanted to quit. Physically I've done way worse workouts/ races... but mentally-- major demons were conquered.

Here is what I learned. It is 100% mental. All of it. I was convinced that I had contracted the flu and that's why I felt so shitty on the first lap. I felt dizzy, weak, completely miserable. That ALL went away when I had calories in me and company on the road.

Mt. Lemmon Double:  second time up.

These are the instructions I told my crew that night after eating an entire pizza and sitting on the sofa for an hour:    No matter how many times I tell you I'm finished, I'm not finished. You can let me cry as long as I keep going. Tears felt like the only response my body had after a certain point. Please do not be afraid if I cry. Everything else felt like autopilot. Second lap up, I literally felt like a robot, programmed to do only what HPB told me to do. I had no feelings or emotions other than hunger/ thirst.

I know I am in very capable hands in 5 weeks.  I have tried to share as much of this journey with my crew as possible so that not only do they feel more a part of it, but they also know what I've been through.  And at mile 150 when I still have more than an hour to go on day 2, and 12 hours on day 3, they can remind me of The Lemmon Double.  

5.  Swimming with my paddler.

A few weeks ago we got an email from the assistant race director.  They "strongly encouraged" us to have one of our own crew members be our paddler during the swim.  Of course I immediately have a panic attack because a) I live in the desert b) none of my crew kayaks c) we are less than 7 weeks from race day.  I simultaneously messaged my entire crew/ cheer squad on our private FB page and emailed the assistant RD.  After a few hours, and many, many emails (Thank you, Dayle!!!) I finally came to the decision to do a test run with one of my cheer squad members.  

Marsha is one of my closest friends and when everyone was commenting on my post with "this is not ideal, but we'll do it" type of response she sent me a private text message explaining her background on the water, her comfort level, and her desire to be my kayaker.  Instantly I felt calmed by her confidence.  We set up a date to borrow a kayak from my colleague and take a practice run in Saguaro Lake.  

We were made for each other.  She tested my ability to follow the kayak by steering this way and that way.  I never had to pick up my head once because I could just breathe to my right and she was right there.  I could adjust my position based on how close I was to the kayak and didn't have to worry at all about where I was going.  I ended up swimming about 3/4 mile farther than I should have because I was just in my zen place.  

1 paddler + 1 swimmer + 1 kayak= fun morning on the lake!

And so ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce my 4th and final crew member, promoted from cheer captain!!  (Blog interview coming!!)

6.  10k is the new 5k.

I love swimming and I'm always anxious to see what type of long swims I have coming my way.  The 10k I've been doing lately looks like this:

Warm up: 1500 (specific set but not relevant to this post...)

5 times through this main set:

5 x 100 @ 1:25, 

500 swim for time

500 PBB cruise (so not totally easy, but not race pace)

Cool down:  1000 (specific set)

What I love is that even when I'm at 8k, I can hit my 100s on 1:25 no problem, and my 500s for time were on a 1:22 pace.  That is the benefit of Ultraman training.  During IM training, a 30 x 100 on 1:25 would have put me on the couch for 2 hours.  Now, it's like, whatever, I've been through worse.   I love these long, challenging sets.  I will be a little sad when Ultraman is over.  I might beg to do a 10k once a month just for fun.  :)

7.  Oceanside 70.3

The week of Oceanside we backed off the training just a touch to try to rest my legs for the race.  Even up to race morning I just didn't feel like I had much to give.  I texted my #bff and told her "I don't want to race today.  I want to stay in bed.  I am racing.  I just wanted to say how I really feel."  To which she responded with "LOL!"  Not exactly the sympathy I was looking for.  

I went through the whole pre-race routine and by the time we lined up for the swim start I was like, whatever, it'll be a short training day.  The swim was nothing special, but when I got onto my bike I felt so. fucking. strong.  Ridiculous strong.  Ultraman strong.

Representing Smash-Dimond:  we are STRONG!

I was pushing higher watts than I've ever been able to before in a 70.3, but yet never felt like I was going to blow up.  I could just keep going forever.  My legs were burning, for sure, but it's that tired + strong feeling that you probably only understand if you're doing the kind of training that would push your legs into that zone.  I can imagine it's what a ultrarunner feels like when he lines up for a half marathon.  It is the best feeling ever and if I wasn't so tired right now I might entertain the idea of another Ultraman in my future.  I LOVE this training.  I am eating it up.

Back to Oceanside.  When I got off my bike I had no idea what my run legs were going to look like.  But it was more of the same.  I felt SO STRONG.  I clicked off the first couple of miles a little too fast (like usual) and then settled into my planned pace for the run.  And I just stayed there.  It was amazing.  I've never felt like this in a race before.  I've had good races before but never a race where I was doing this well and felt so comfortable being so uncomfortable.  Ultraman training has definitely taken the ability to suffer to an entirely different level.  And it is so exciting.  

Photo courtesy of @tpspates :  Oceanside run course.

With the rolling start it was about an hour before I finally believed that I had actually won my age group.  There could always be someone who starts 20 minutes behind me in the swim and races faster.  So I waited and waited and the little number 1 next to my name on the Ironman tracker didn't change!!  I've been on the podium in Oceanside before, in 4th and in 2nd.  But this was my first ever age group win!  

And the best part about it was how great my body felt in the days after the race.  There was no soreness.  I was tired, like sleepy tired, but no measurable fatigue.  And when I did my first 30 minute jog a couple days later there was no requisite 10 minutes for my legs to feel like they weren't filled with lead.  I just felt normal.  Like I was going for an easy run.  My body is absorbing, recovering, and adapting, over and over, and it feels amazing.  

Photo courtesy of @smashfestqueen :  Our Smash-Dimond Team kits!!! LOVE!

8.  The final countdown.

Before I go, I want to share the second half of the interview that was recorded by Renee Hodges of Foundation Physical Therapy.  She and several of her athletes were racing in Oceanside last weekend too!  Always great to see them out on course working hard!  Click HERE to open the video!  The first half was shared in my last post-- so scroll down if you missed it and you can find the link there.  

I have 35 days left before I am lined up on the beach in Noosa ready to swim 10km, bike 420 km, and run 84.3 km.  I have 24 days before I board my flight.  I have 3 LONG rides left to do, one trip to the Grand Canyon, and one 50km training run.  I am trying to savor every single day because the time is slipping by so quickly.  It seems like just yesterday that I was nervously submitting my application to the Ultraman Australia team, when in reality it was 9 months ago.... (before Kona!)  And I know that if I blink my crew and I will be sitting at the awards banquet on May 16th and it will all be over.  I am excited and terrified, and hopeful, and grateful, and tired, and strong, and ready.  I am ready to be part of the Ultraman Ohana.  I am ready to do work, Kokua, to give everything that I have and all of my heart to this adventure that lies ahead of me.  I am ready to find my Aloha on the eastern coast of Australia.    

    

Spring Training: Awakening from a Long Winter's Nap

Training camp.  *shudder*  Going into camp this year I felt less than prepared.  Running season meant I had been on my bike for recovery purposes only and even then, very few miles.  I expressed my concerns to Coach on multiple occasions and she always reassured me not to worry, this year's plan was different.  The idea was to use camp to get back into shape and kick off triathlon training with my goal race being in October and the World Championships.

I had a hard time envisioning how this was going to work and knew that I was going to struggle keeping up with the "sub-12 hour" ironman group.  I even suggested that maybe I should go to week 1 camp, the "over 12 hour" group.  Nevertheless, plans were made and we piled into my car last Thursday to head to Tucson for the long weekend.

Thursday

One of our teammates flew into Phoenix and drove with us, and we met up with some fellow campers upon arrival.  One thing I have learned from past years is that at camp, when you're not training or sleeping, you should be eating.  So we ate...

Pre camp fueling.

Thursday afternoon was low key.  The group met for a social hour run.  I got to catch up with Kelly during the run, my camp roommate from 2 years ago who is also qualified for Hawaii in October.  Afterwards we went to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant.

One of the best part about camp is that I get 10+ hours of sleep every night.  At home my routine is 8 pm- 4 am for dedicated sleep time.  I was so excited to be able to sleep in till 6 am or later every morning.  Friday morning I felt rested, and still was up in plenty of time to eat a good breakfast and get mentally prepared for the day's long ride.

Friday

Friday is our 95 mile ride to Madera Canyon.  It's a fun ride- lots of climbing in the first half, and a fast ride home after the 14 mile climb through the Canyon.  Coach Alyssa told me stay within myself and not to try to push it, let my fitness come to me.  It was very disheartening watching everyone ride away from me but I knew I would never survive the weekend if I tried to hammer this ride.

My gem.  I think she's happy to have me back.

Alyssa was the ride sweep and we rode together through the first half of the ride.  Just as we reached the false flat of Madera we started talking about my #bff and pretty soon I was laughing and telling stories as the miles flew by.  Amazing how my #bff can cheer me up from 200 miles away!  The climb gets steep the final 4 miles and I eventually passed a couple of people.  Alyssa hung back to continue her job as sweep and I was thrilled to sail up to the top of the climb with no problems.  The last two times I did this ride the climb did not end well... once with me falling over and once with me getting off to walk.

Made it to the top of Madera!

We regrouped at the top and Coach gave us our orders for the ride home.  After the descent we were going to practice pacelines.  We had about 12 people so each group of 2 riders took turns at the front for 3 minutes.  I felt good, and the pace tolerable, until we turned onto a 10k gradual climb.  Then the effort level got to be a bit much for me and every time I was second or third wheel I was falling farther and farther behind, unable to hang on.  Eventually we finished the pace work, rode through town and then split up again as we climbed the final 3-4 miles back to home base.

Back in the condo I immediately set to work making rice, tamari sauce and avocado.  I kept eating and drinking until it was time to leave for the pool and our evening sprint session, the beloved forever set.  Somehow I ended up leading a lane - even though the 2 girls I was racing were beating me by a full body length on the 25s.  It was still good practice and nice to have someone pushing me on this set.

First swim group finishing up the forever set with Coach Alyssa looking on.

Saturday

Saturday morning started with 100 x 100 yds in the pool.  Alyssa had told me on Friday that there were too many fast swimmers this year so I wouldn't be in the coaches lane (ie: the fast lane).  So when Hillary announced my name in the fast lane I did a double take.  On one hand, now I was terrified, having flashbacks of last year and my 3k time trial to start the swim.  On the other hand, I appreciated the vote of confidence and wanted to show that I belonged there.

Fast lane!  Photo credit:  Hillary Biscay

The other lanes are given a workout to follow, and someone to generally lead the lane.  Our lane's workout is made up as we go along.  The 10k (yards) looked like this:

10 x 100 swim on 1:30
10 x 100 as 75 free/ 25 back on 1:30
18 x 100 band only, descending from 1:35- 1:30- 1:25
2 x 100 social kick
10 x 100 as 25 fly/ 75 free on 1:30
40 x 100 PBB descending 4 @ 1:25, 3 @ 1:20, 2 @ 1:15, 1 @ 1:10 (4 times through)
6 x 100 as 25 fast/ 25 easy on 1:30, changing lead each 100.
4 x 100 as 50 kick/ 50 free on 10 seconds rest.

I had to skip the backstroke and fly because I am not skilled enough at these strokes to make the time interval, but otherwise I had no trouble making any of the intervals.  A huge improvement over last year and a big confidence boost!

We survived 10k!!  DB is stronger and faster than last year.

After a quick lunch and a shopping session at the Smash warehouse, we met up for a social ride over Gates Pass and the McCain Loop.  It is one of the most beautiful rides in Tucson.  Hard, hard work but at the pace we were riding it was definitely a recovery ride.

Selfie with Dimond Van!  #DimondsAreAGirlsBestFriend

As on Friday, I was quickly and repeatedly dropped from the group.  It was a little frustrating trying to keep up with people who were not even riding hard, but I just kept within myself.  The final climb is a lung buster and I was seriously afraid I wouldn't make it up if I killed myself trying to stay with the group.

Working up the final climb.

One of my Team HPB teammates, who happens to be a Tucson local, did a good job of keeping an eye on everyone.  When he saw me fall behind before the final climb he stopped and waited for me, shepherding me to the top safely.  I was thankful for this gesture as I was not entirely having fun riding solo.

We love our bikes!  #BrilliantUnderPressure

 Sunday:  a.k.a:  Home free!

Sunday dawned with an unexpected sprint swim.  For most campers, Sunday's swim is a technique session.  The 3 of us who swam fast lane with the coaches earned a 3k sprint session instead.  By the time I finished I was exhausted and ready to cry, knowing I still had to make it up Mt. Lemmon.  My husband (who finished his technique session in about 15 minutes) had everything ready to go when I got back to the casita.  He had bikes loaded, breakfast made.  All I had to do was change into my cycling kit, take a deep breath and switch mindsets.  Did I mention how much I adore him?  He totally knew that having less than 15 minutes to go from pool to car was going to stress me out and he was so on top of it.  We are a match made in paradise.

He drove while I ate and collected my thoughts.  For Mt. Lemmon, we were divided into 4 groups starting at 20 minute intervals.  I was supposed to be in group 2, but things were a little behind and when we rolled into the parking lot at 9:10 am, group 1 was just getting ready to head out.  Coach Emily told me that it was fine if I rolled with them, that I was just supposed to ride steady for the climb.  I was nervous about holding people up at the top and knew it was going to take me a long time to make it up, so I rolled out with group 1.

Immediately after making the right hand turn onto the Highway.... I got dropped.  I was like, seriously??!!  On a flattish road, riding warm up, I couldn't keep up.  This was going to be a long day.  By the time we hit the start of the climb 4 miles later, the group was no where in sight.  *sigh*

Mt. Lemmon is a 20.5 mile gradual climb.  Literally no break for 20.5 miles.  You just grind. it. out.  It's not particularly difficult as far as climbs go, but it can be a total mind fuck some days.  And other days it flies by.  Today was somewhere in between.

I didn't feel great, and my power numbers were low, but I just wanted to ride steady.  I had worn my Smash Aloha bra under my Irock kit to remind myself that once, not so long ago, I was in phenomenal shape.   Good enough shape to go 10:09 at Ironman and qualify for Kona.  Even though I felt out of shape and slow, I knew that there was potential to get that back.

Around mile 10 one of the girls from group 2 passed me and I thought, ok, here we go.  I kept waiting for more people and none ever came.  Windy Point, at mile 14 of the climb, is my mental "you're almost there" point.  A mile or so above Windy Point the terrain changes from desert to alpine.  The air is lighter, cooler, and the sun is not beating down on you so much.

Prize at the top

Something happened around mile 15 of the climb.  It was like a light switch was flipped.  I went from struggling at an easy pace to suddenly being able to push my normal Mt. Lemmon watts with no added difficulty.  In the final 5 miles I passed everyone in group one and the girl who passed me earlier from group 2.  I lapped out at the top of the climb and with a huge grin on my face sailed downhill toward Summerhaven.  When Coach Hillary got to the Cookie Cabin she confirmed my suspicion... my bike legs were back!  It only took 150 miles and 15,000 ft of climbing to get them.  I was a happy camper!!

I (heart) Mt. Lemmon Cookie Cabin!!

After a brief rendezvous at the Cookie Cabin we headed back down the mountain and out for a quick 4 mile progression run.  I paced my transition run with a perfect progression from 8 minutes to 7 minutes and high fived my teammates along the way.

Smiling!  Home free, baby!

At this point we were home free.  We had a group dinner that night and a trail run the following day, but all the things I had worried about before camp had been tackled.  I was no longer feeling embarrassed about showing up for Oceanside in 3 short weeks.  I felt ready.

Monday

Camp ends with a group trail run on some gnarly terrain.  Tucson trails (at least what I've seen!) are rocky and technical.  I'm used to smoother, more run-able terrain but the pace was relaxed and social.  We ran for 3 hours, stopped for pictures a few times, and in general tried not to get lost in the desert.

Gates Pass Trail

Photo op at the stone house.

Group 2 runners!  Only one fall and one cactus in 3 hours.  

After camp ended we did a little recovery swim, went for lunch and beers and then met the group at the JW Marriott for drinks and dinner.  Every night they do a toast and everyone involved gets a free shot of tequila to share in the festivities.  Tonight's tequila was infused with vanilla and orange.  Smooth as butter.

Toasting to god-knows-what... but we got free tequila.

Since I do most of my training solo, I begged coach to give us a group workout before we drove home on Tuesday.  Much to my teammates' dismay, they had to crawl out of bed for an 8 am swim after partaking in a few too many margaritas.  And since it's rare that we get to swim as a team, it wasn't just any swim... but another sprint swim.  Feeling a bit dehydrated, it was slow and not at all pretty, but it was fun and a great way to end the weekend.

Team HPB swim sesh

So here's the deal.  Camp is always a learning experience.  Every year has presented different challenges and opportunities for growth.  As disappointed as I was to show up slow and unprepared and be dropped by the group at every turn, it reinforced my faith in Hillary as everything she's been telling me for the last 3 months proved true.  My fitness was not gone forever.  My run is faster than ever.  And now heading into this year's triathlon season we can rebuild my bike fitness and capitalize on my run.  My swim is as good as it ever was, and we are even seeing glimpses of improvement here too.

I think the hardest part about camp this year was realizing that I'm not in competition with my fellow campers at camp.  (Yes, if I meet you on a race course, you better believe I will try to beat you.)  But I'm here to work on myself, and I will encourage you as you work on yourself.  I watched some of my teammates be pitted against each other for workouts.  It's fun and it's an added challenge, and I hope that maybe next year at camp I will be fit enough to partake in the games.  But this year for me was about getting my fitness back after a long winter's nap.

I've spent a lot of the last three months doubting myself, doubting that I belong in Kona, and generally feeling out of shape.  My race season kicks off in 2 weeks and I know how quickly the weeks are going to tick by once we break that seal.  I really, really want to soak up every single opportunity to get stronger and faster.  And to prepare mentally for my ultimate race in October.  The most important thing for me is to show up in Kona healthy and confident.  To face the day, unafraid, knowing that I am strong.  Prepared.  Ready.  For me, training and finding success in the every day is where I get that confidence.  I am so ready to start this season.